i am flawed if i'm not free

Moving!

2009-05-17T21:46:00.001-04:00

So I want to officially announce that I'm moving my blog over to my new domain!

You can now find me over at http://www.hezabelle.ca!

Boy A

2009-05-16T16:56:00.004-04:00

I just watched the movie Boy A on TMNonDemand.

I have to say it's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. It's not a big budget movie by any means, the actors are relatively unknown. But the plot is brilliant and everything is so remarkably real, it's unnerving.

The movie is about a boy who was involved in a murder when he was young, and has been in prison since then. He's released when he turns 21, and given a new identity so he can reintegrate into society.

The story was tragic and beautiful, but the best part of the movie was the character of Jack. The actor did a brilliant job, Jack was so sweet and shy and conflicted. The portrayal of him was so multifaceted, it was really quite brilliant.

I don't often blog about movies, because I tend to have horrible taste in them. But I guarantee that even those of you who have good taste in movies will enjoy this one. And possibly cry, like me.

Fail Remedied

2009-05-15T18:14:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to post quickly that I PASSED MY EXAM! They let me retake it, and I only got 53% but that's fine by me. I'm now going to be able to graduate on June 10 and get everything started for my visa!

Thanks to everyone who crossed their fingers for me!!

A more meaningful post later... Maybe. I might get distracted by my new Xbox.

Okay, winning really is everything...

2009-05-14T20:17:00.003-04:00

Today Jo, whose life in Syracuse I am supremely jealous of and who I desperately want to visit next year, gave me an award for my blog! Pretty cool. So here are the rules:

The rules: List seven things that make me awe-summm and then pass the award on to seven other people who I think are fabulously awe-summm.

(I have to say that the spelling irks me just a bit, because I have issues with purposeful misspellings... but I'll let it slide!)

1. I know some Latin and some Ancient Greek, more than your average person but less than your average classics student. However, I am bilingual French/English and went to school in French from the age of 4 until the end of high school.

2. Despite my hatred for journalism, I'm actually a decent journalist. I've done a documentary, two mini-docs, a current affairs piece and several tv news pieces. I've produced an entire tv news show and anchored a radio show. I've written dozens of articles. I worked for a newspaper for two years and have been paid pretty decently to freelance.

3. I have taken two 24 hour vows of silence, for an organization called Journalists for Human Rights who work with the media in third world countries. Vows of silence are really awesome, I'd suggest them to anyone.

4. I make amazing scones. I'm pretty ordinary at baking everything else, but I rock at scones.

5. I am writing a book right now, one of at least three that I will write in my life. I love writing, it's the only thing that I have always know that I wanted to do.

6. I kick ass at being a student, and will hopefully graduate with Distinction, as long as I actually graduate (stupid Canadian History).

7. I am extremely proud to be a Canadian, but I loved living in Ireland and can't wait to live in England soon!

And I'm going to award.... Fae, Lisa and Chris!

9 sexy ladies and one sexy feline

2009-05-13T22:44:00.015-04:00

Inspired by Eleni's list, I'm going to make a list of the ten characters I would most like to be. I will warn you that these are from a variety of different places...

10. Lara Croft

Everytime I tell someone I want to be an archaeologist, they inevitably say, "Like Indiana Jones?" and I answer, "Yes, I'm working on my whip work." The other day my sister and I decided that I couldn't quite be like Indiana Jones. We came to the conclusion that I definitely have the rack necessary to be Lara Croft. And who wouldn't want to be Lara Croft? 1) She's hot. 2) She's rich. 3) She's smart. 4) She's Angelina Jolie. Mmm.

9. Daine Sarrasri
Star of Tamora Pierce's Immortals Quartet, Daine was my first fantasy hero. She's by far the coolest of all Pierce's characters. She can talk to animals, for one. She has a very troubled past. And most importantly, she gets the tall, dark, brooding mage. The Tamora Pierce books are very dear to my heart - Wild Magic was the first fantasy book I ever read, and I remained obsessed for years. Also, they're how I met Fae.

8. Aurian
Here's where you realize that I really have a thing for red heads. Aurian is the main character in Maggie Furey's Artifacts of Power series, possibly my favourite fantasy series to date. Aurian herself is a great character - stubborn and powerful, and yet completely naive and dependent on those around her. Sometimes during the books you really hate her, and I think that's the mark of a good character. That they are so firmly themselves that they don't cater to your idea of what they should be. It takes a really good writer to make you change your mind about a character. Oh, and did I mention that she gets two loves of her life, Forral and Anvar - both of whom I'd gladly have.

7. Assassin
I'd always loved Diablo II, but I was so excited when they released the expansion and you could play an Assassin! And not only that, but it's a chick and she has claws. And it gets even better, because I didn't have to give up on the firepower I had when I played the Sorceress. The Assassin can get traps and explode people! Yes, I'm the kind of girl who gets excited over the outfits and such in games. I bought Neverwinter Nights just because your character could change outfits...

6. Clementine
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favourite movies of all time. Kate Winslet is by far my favourite actress. And I thought she was brilliant in Eternal Sunshine. And I love her hair. It reminds me of my purple hair (which not-so-coincidentally was around the same time I first saw the movie). If I ever dye my hair a crazy colour again, it will be that bright red-orange from the movie.

5. Helen of Troy and Cassandra
Okay, Helen is usually considered more of a historical figure than a character. But the Trojan War more of a myth than a historical truth (even though it DID happen, it wasn't necessarily the way it was described in the Iliad). Helen and Cassandra of Troy both tie for this number 5, because I'm torn. Would I rather be the undeniably beautiful Helen, the face that launched a thousand ships? Or the understatedly beautiful prophetess Cassandra? Helen has more fame and fervour. Cassandra has more tragedy and mystery. Either way, I read a book called Inside the Walls of Troy by Clemence McLaren when I was younger, and have adored both characters ever since.

4. G(a)linda
"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I - and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I? - my tender heart tends to start to bleed. When someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over. I know I know exactly what they need..." G(a)linda from Wicked is beyond amazing. For one, the voice that Kristen Chenoweth gave her (with the strangely beautiful opera-yodel) is astounding. On top of that, Glinda is what makes the musical fun. She's ditzy and cute and in the end, it turns out that she's the Good afterall. She grows so much throughout the musical, all culminating in one of my favourite songs of all time, For Good. I would be G(a)linda so I could prance around in curls and poofy dresses and pink. In fact, I have a gorgeous Glinda costume made by Kaitlyn for that exact purpose!

3. Fainne
The Sevenwaters Trilogy by Juliet Marillier is amazing. Every single bit of it is just so magical and so full of beauty. I fell in love with these books, rife with Irish folklore, before I went to Ireland. I reread them there, and fell even more in love when I realized that the beauty Marillier is describing really exists. I chose Fainne, out of all of the strong female characters in Sevenwaters, because I find her story the most compelling. She's forever haunted by her parents' past. She is constantly torn between helping her mother's family and saving her father's life - and in the end almost loses everything because of it. And, of course, Darragh... He is probably the best of the male characters in Marillier's books. He's just so sweet. And the ending is so sad and yet so perfect...

2. Nala
I've always wanted to be a Lioness. Rrow. Nala is such a kick ass Disney character. She can best Simba when they're little, and again when they're reunited. She could run the pride all by herself. They make it seem like it's Simba who saves the Jungle, but really it's Nala. If it weren't for her, Simba would still be lounging around in the oasis with Timon and Pumba. And unlike Simba, she never ran from her problems.

1. Kalere Eld
Kalere is one of the main characters of the book Fae and I are writing. Kal is everything I wish I could be. And not just because she's a gorgeous red headed fire mage. No, she's passionate and tempermental and fiery. She's brave and strong and overreacts to everything. You have to hate her and love her at the same time. She's prone to thinking she's the only one with issues, to making a big deal about little things and to making everyone fix her problems for her (especially Kris). She has a horrible temper and for a large portion of her life she's downright bitchy. But she also loves more fiercely than anyone and would kill for any of the loves of her life - Kris, Tia, Essian and her seven children. Oh, and did I meantion she's hot? Artwork by the incredibly talented Fae.

It's all about Head

2009-05-12T21:41:00.004-04:00

When I moved back in with my parents a couple of weeks ago, we had a chance to go through the closet in my old bedroom. Beside some ancient purses and a few clothes that no one would ever wear, we found this jem:

It's a laminated (that's why it was so hard to photograph) list of rules we promised to abide by in our 4th grade class (I was in French Immersion). It says "Be responsible of your actions," "Be responsible to your friends," "Be nice," and "Help others." All very good rules to follow in life, I think.

Now, let us enhance this a little to a close up of my signature:

That's right, folks. For about 8 years of my life my nickname was Head. And not just a passing nickname, either. All of my friends called me Head.

You see, I have a large head. After joining Big Heads Anonymous and resigning myself to a life of Tired Neck Syndrome (TNS), I have come to terms with it. My sister has always enjoyed making fun of it.

This is why she decided, one fine day when she was about 8 and I was about 5 or 6, that my nickname should be Head. Makes sense, does it not? I have a large head... 'Hea' is the first part of my name. I embraced it, the way little sisters always do, with overwhelming enthusiasm and wild abandon.

I remember sitting in class one day when we had a supply teacher. She asked if anyone had anything other than their name they liked to be called. I raised my hand and announced that everyone calls me Head. I remember she looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh, though I had no idea why. I imagine she told that story for years to come.

I remember my parents told me that someday I would regret this nickname, but they refused to tell me why. And that Kaitlyn would regret her nickname 'Hairy Fruit' (From Kiwi, which I still call her. Also given by my sister... notice the trend?)

Fast forward 8 years to middle school. A boy approaches me in the hallway.
"Ahaha, your nickname's Head. Do you know what that means?" he says.
"Yeah! Of course!" I reply. But the way he's saying it makes me doubt myself. I won't admit I don't know. Minutes later, I ask my friend Amanda.
"Why would Head be a bad nickname...?" I ask. She's much more worldly than me.
"I bet they mean like blackhead or something," she says wisely.
"Oh... Weird," I answer. But everyone calls me Head already, so it's really not that bad right?

It wasn't until months later when rumours that "So-and-so gave So-and-So head in the elevator at the movie theatre!" started to circulate that I finally started putting the pieces together. I was named for a sex act.

With things whispered in corners and written on bathroom walls, it didn't take long for everyone in my grade to figure out what head meant. And needless to say, it didn't take long for the boys to start calling me "Give alot of head." Though I promise I never lived up to the nickname!

Mythology Monday: The Nemean Lion

2009-05-11T23:30:00.003-04:00

I've decided to do the Twelve Labours of Heracles for the next few Mythology Mondays. In my Classical Mythology class in second year, we had to memorize these. But I confess, I had to Google it.

Heracles (actually only known as Hercules to the Romans) is the son of Zeus and the mortal woman Alcmene. Zeus disguised himself as her husband, Amphitryon, to fool her into sleeping with him. Alcmene became pregnant with twins, Heracles the son of Zeus and Iphicles, the son of Amphitryon. When they were about to be born, Zeus' wife Hera found out about Zeus' infedelity. Needless to say, she hated Heracles from the beginning. She sent two serpents to kill him, but he strangled them, born with incredible strength.

Heracles grew up and married, had children. Out of jealousy, Hera drove him mad and caused him to kill his own wife and children. Haunted by the furies, the personification of his guilt, Heracles was forced to put himself under the mercy of his archenemy, Eurytheus and perform ten tasks as required by him.

His first task was to kill the Nemean Lion.

Though called a "lion," the creature who terrorized Nemea was not only larger than an average lion, but its skin was impenetrable. The arrows Heracles had crafted for use on the Lion were of no use, they bounced off without a scratch.

Eventually Heracles lured the Lion back to its cave. He snuck in through a second entrance and stunned the Lion with his club. He then strangled the Lion to death, and used its own claws to remove its skin. He returned to Eurytheus with the pelt as proof.

From that day on, Heracles wore the Lion's pelt as his armour, and this is the image we see of him - draped in fur with a lion's head behind his head. This is the image that inspired centuries of mimics, from Alexander to Antony to Commodus.

I had a dream

2009-05-09T11:24:00.002-04:00

Last night I had a dream (I awoke in dessert called Cyberland.... no, not really. Points, though, to anyone who gets that!)

Anyway. So I had a dream that I was visiting a foreign city with my sister (although not too foreign because I believe we went to Walmart at some point.) We were there for some important reason, something related to school, but I had finished what I needed to do and Laura was getting her picture taken for her portfolio, at a studio. It was about 7pm, and we were talking to the photo guy (who happened to be on a campus of some sort?) and he was really funny, joking about things and telling us what he needed to do with the pictures before we could pick them up 7 hours later (they had a 7 hour guarantee). So I asked him if we would really be able to pick them up the next morning, weren't they closing soon, and how was the work going to get done overnight? As we're having this discussion, this tiny little man (think a cross between gollum and a leprechaun... you know, your typical daemon trickster type creature) runs over and steals the guy's hat and starts climbing up the walls and on the ceiling.

And then suddenly, people emerge from every doorway in this great hall type area, dressed in costume. And they start singing. There are different group of people, dressed as peasants or mages or nobles or gypsies or whatever. And there's this whole elaborate plot (which the photo guy is involved in) with the evil creature and an evil wizard. And the whole time, everyone is singing.

My dream was a medieval rpg musical.

The whole plot plays out, and eventually the evil creature attacks me and I get involved. By then the sun is coming up, and the rpg is over. They finally explain it to me. They're a group of people who all go to this school we're at, and every night they do a live action musical rpg called Willy's World (??) and they like to do it to unsuspecting visitors (like us.)

So basically, I dreamed the best thing ever. In the dream I even begged them to let me participate the next night, but they were very exclusive. I wish this really existed!

This is possibly one of my nerdiest and most distracted (because of these random side notes and the fact that I can't remember the dream 100%) posts yet...

Oh Crumb

2009-05-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

Fae: There's a lot of crumbs on this futon.
Hez: I crumbed in my sleep last night.

Later...

Fae: I was giving you a thumbs up but couldn't see if you were thumbing me back.
Hez: If I was thumbing you, you'd be crumbing.

Thus ensued many crumb jokes for hours... We were crumbing everywhere.

Hez: And then we would cum---- *both pause*
Both: Ew.... That's dirty.

This post was made possible by Fae, because I didn't remember how it started and she'd written it down.

Eventually....

2009-05-07T18:02:00.005-04:00

I know I set a precedent of updating every day in the last couple of months, but you see... I have this huge exam (the one I failed three times) on Monday. And I started my summer job this week. So my head is too full of cupcakes and Canadian History to write anything interesting.

But I will tell you what you have to look forward to when I'm finally free.

1) Tomorrow I will try to post pictures of my lovely cupcakes.
2) I shot some footage in Pittsburgh, of my ride down, our road trip to Cleveland and our second attempt at the Fort Pitt Tunnel. I plan to make a video to show you folks! It may or may not include singing, just to warn you.
3) Most importantly, I recently won a contest for free web hosting from Seb and I will be a) moving my blog over there! and b) redesigning my blog, with the help of my Amazon Webmistress, Kaitlyn, and her php savvy.
4) Eventually I will blog about my new job, and Victorian High Tea in general.
5) I have to read 25 books before the end of June, so expect lots of book reviews!
6) If everything goes well (please cross your fingers for me!) I will be graduating in just a few weeks, which will undoubtedly lead to a nostalgic end of an era post.
7) Again, if everything goes well, I need to start thinking about moving to England! Which I'm sure I'll write about constantly.
8) I fully plan to do at least five of my 100 things this summer, and those ones are always the best posts.

Mythology Mondays: The problem of vanity

2009-05-04T19:00:00.003-04:00

Niobe is another of the children of Tantalus, the sister of Pelops. Her life was cursed as well, but she's not generally recognized in the Tantalid line because, of course, she's a woman.

Niobe married the King of Thebes and had fourteen children, seven boys and seven girls. Each was more beautiful than the next. Niobe began to boast that she had better the goddess Leto, the mother of twins Artemis and Apollo, because she had fourteen perfect children instead of just two.

Well, it's easy enough to guess that comparing yourself to a god at all is not a good idea. Worse still is saying that you're better then them.

"She bore two children; so her womb was worth
A seventh part of mine. O happy me!
(Who would deny it?) and happy I'll remain
(Who could doubt that?) My riches make me safe.
Yes, I'm too great to suffer Fortune's blows."
Ovid's Metamorphoses VI

Apollo and Artemis hear of Niobe's boast and they quickly go to work. They appear in Thebes. Apollo shoots each of Niobe's sons with poison arrows; Artemis takes down the daughters with the same. Niobe's husband killed himself when he heard the news.

"She sat bereft
Amid her sons, her daughters and her husband,
All lifeless corpses, rigid in her ruin.
Her hair no breeze can stir; her cheeks are drained
And bloodless; in her doleful face her eyes
Stare fixed and hard - a likeness without life."
Ovid's Metamorphoses VI

Niobe's heart is hardened by the tragedy. As she sits among the corpses, she turns to stone in grief. And yet the stone itself continues to weep.

"And as will happen, new tales bring back old,
And one of them this story then retold."
Ovid's Metamorphoses VI

Sell a sunrise

2009-05-03T19:23:00.004-04:00

I know I may have disappointed any regular readers (I like to imagine these exist...) by not posting yesterday. But I was too busy spending my last day in Pittsburgh with my Faebala. I promise I will make up for it with my attempt at video content next week. Not this week, because I am secluding myself in order to not fail my exam (again) on Monday. That and I'm starting work tomorrow and will be up to my elbows in scones and egg salad (neither of which go well on my laptop) until the big Mother's Day Tea on Sunday.

Today could be a different day
If the sky lifts up the haze
Off of my front lawn
Just another time I hold my tears
For another year
On my way back home

Can I sell this sunrise
In return for a sunset?
Can I just be here one more day
Until my sunburn fades away?

-Left Coast Envy by The Starting Line

It started raining as I lifted my suitcase into the trunk. In the six years we've been seeing each other, it always rains the day we leave. A pathetic fallacy that both amuses and saddens us. Over the years I've watched her drive away, fly away, disappear behind doors and barricades, into buses and trains.

This morning we hugged goodbye. We giggled and joked, and when I put my arms around her I couldn't help but wonder when the next time I see her will be. We've dreamed so long of being closer together but we only seem to be getting further away. I've always taken comfort in the fact that if something happened... if she needed me or I needed her, I could get in the car and just drive. I could be there in less than a day. In September we'll be separated by oceans and time zones and even more hundreds of miles.

It's not that we don't know how to do distance. That has always been a part of our friendship. We text message, email and instant message like the best of them (but we both hate phones).

It's that every time I see her I stay just long enough to realize what it would be like to live near my best friend. It's the small things. It's making lunch together and watching bad Lifetime movies. It's going for coffee and trying on clothes. It's watching our favourite movies together. It's meeting each others friends. It's getting to know each others' boyfriends. It's all of those little things that break my heart because we only get to do them for a few weeks every year.

It's all of those little things that make me realize that when I drive away I'm leaving a piece of myself behind me. My other half.

Amin mela lle, vanima Fae.

Baby likes to dance

2009-05-01T13:59:00.004-04:00

I love dancing. So much so that I'll stick it out at a club playing music I hate. I especially love dancing to live bands playing awesome 90s rock songs, and DJs playing 80s and 90s dance music.

I used to equate dancing with drinking. But this year I've realized that I can have just as much fun sober (or nearly.) Last night, I got really drunk when Fae and I went to 80s night at a local bar. So drunk that I am now sitting in bed, afraid to move much in case I throw up.

I'm going to be 22 this summer. I really need to realize that I can't drink like I'm 18 anymore and still function the next day.

I'm considering giving up drinking for the summer.

I'm going to learn to have more fun sober. Maybe...

Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #3

2009-04-30T12:39:00.005-04:00

One fine summer, Fae and I ventured down Virginia to meet up with Ali, another RPG friend of ours we'd know since about the same time we met. Fae'd met her before, but I hadn't. Fae's mom drove us down to meet Ali half way. While we were driving, I fell asleep with my head against the window in the back (which I do a lot in cars because I get horrible motion sickness). I was sleeping peacefully when suddenly... the window opened and I was almost thrown from the car. I screamed and sat up, shocked.

Fae looked over at me, startled. Then she looked down at her foot, on the window button. And laughed. She tried to kill me!

We went to Staunton, Virginia to stay with Ali. But she lived in Res, and there wasn't enough room for three of us. So we stayed on the futon at her friends Stina and Dylan's apartment. The apartment was on the third floor, there was an elevator. We went back one night to watch a movie. We got into the elevator, pressed the 3 button, went up to the floor. It was one of those old elevators with the grate that you have pull shut before it will move. So we go to open this grate... and it's stuck.
"Oh right, I forgot that this elevator always gets stuck," Ali says. Meanwhile I'm holding a tub of Ben and Jerry's, rapidly melting.

So of course I made a video. A very ADD video.

"This is our elevator stuck... Stuck in an elevator video." - Hez

"What do you think about being stuck in an elevator?" -Hez
"I think I have to pee." - Fae
"Me too." - Hez
"Yeah, me too." - Ali

We eventually got out of the elevator, rescued by a guy who lived in the building. Then, of course, we didn't have the key for the apartment. So I had to eat my Ben and Jerry's with the smallest spoon in the world, that we found in the bottom of Ali's purse.

Cleveland rocks?

2009-04-29T13:49:00.002-04:00

Fae and I decided it would be a nice idea to go to Cleveland, to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the zoo. Cleveland's less than two hours away from where Fae lives, but I thought it would be nice for us to get a hotel and stay overnight. Especially since it was going to be free (or nearly) with my AirMiles. So we booked the hotel (which of course wasn't actually free... that's the way these things work, right?) and headed down yesterday.

We should've known things were going to go wrong, because my GPS suddenly stopped working on the way out of Pittsburgh and we ended up driving in circles in downtown Pittsburgh trying to get the stupid thing to "recalculate route."

When we left Pittsburgh it was yet another gorgeous sunny, warm day. About 26 degrees (Celsius). So of course Fae and I only packed sundresses. We actually both almost packed jeans but changed our mind last minute and didn't. By the time we go to Cleveland, it was raining and 11 degrees. What the hell? We were very poorly dressed, obviously. We parked and ran into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, stepping in puddles with flip flops and covering our heads with our very small sweaters.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was pretty awesome - I hadn't been there since I was about 8, and I definitely appreciated it a lot more this time. We stayed a few hours, then we decided to check into the hotel and just hang out a bit in the warmth before we went for dinner. This is when I discovered that while I had brought my laptop, as planned, I had forgotten the power cord. It was charged about 70%, but that's only about 3 hours of usage. We had brought movies to watch in the hotel! Damn.

We watched How I Met Your Mother for a bit, and then headed out for dinner. We were staying pretty far from the city, out by the airport. But we had a GPS, so it's okay, right? Unless, of course, you're us. The stupid thing kept losing signal in the middle of Cleveland, leaving us to try to navigate our own way through what apparently was baseball game traffic. They had traffic cops directing things, but I have no idea what they were doing... they were making us go through red lights! Finally, we found a place to park. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe, ordered strawberry daquiris and hoped it would at least be a good dinner.

Apparently the Hard Rock Cafe is a huge rip off... Our drinks were $6.99 each and didn't even taste like they had alcohol in them. Our sandwiches were about $12.99 and while they were HUGE they weren't all that great.

Normally, upon visiting a new city, we would walk around and check it out. It was too bloody cold and still raining. So we decided we would try to go see and movie. We asked the waitress and found out there was a theatre in the same plaza, in the basement. We paid and left and took the elevator downstairs... to the sketchiest plaza basement I've ever been to. Only to find out that while they were playing about a dozen movies, they were all the movies we didn't want to see and none of the ones we did want to see (we were thinking Adventureland or Sunshine Cleaning). So that failed too.

In the elevator on the way back up I turned to Fae.
"Why do we always fail?" I asked. We laughed and decided that we would just order payperview back at the hotel and stay warm in bed. We got back to the hotel and decided that the pool looked very enticing, so we got back in the car to go into the weird Cleveland suburb to find a cheap place to buy a bathing suit. The guy at the front desk had given us directions to a Walmart. The last part was "Go down and turn right down Brooksomething, there's a Walmart at the end of that road." He said the real name, but neither of us could remember so we decided that it wouldn't be that hard to find the street that was Brooksomething. We turn and find... Brookhaven, Brookdale, Meadowbrook and Brookshire. All right next to each other. Hmm.

Needless to say, we didn't find the Walmart, but we kept going down the street and eventually found another store and bought some bathing suits, which were quite expensive for suits neither of us planned to ever wear again.

We got back to the hotel, went swimming for about 30 minutes, until we suffocated from the heat of the hot tub, and then went back up to our room to order payperview. Fae took a shower, and I tried to figure out the payperview. After about 45 minutes of trying to work it, and then seeing if maybe there was something on real TV to watch, I called the front desk.

"Hi, I can't seem to get the Payperview to work."
"Yeah, the company we got Payperview from just recently shut down. So we don't have Payperview right now."
"Oh.... Okay then, bye."

Again, we tried to find something on TV. Largely, we failed. Until we found Whose Line Is It Anyway, and excitedly tried to tune to that channel... only to find out that we didn't get that channel.

We woke up this morning with plans to go to the Zoo, but they were very quickly dampened by the cold and the rain. We ate our continental breakfast and left Cleveland behind forever, after having failed at everything.

Top Ten Reasons to Love a Geeky Girl

2009-04-27T03:06:00.000-04:00

So, this is a list that I sent to Seb to help with his newest post. Almost all of my friends are geek girls, and I think it's time that people realize we're awesome - the ones who speak Elvish (Fae), those who speak binary (Kaitlyn), the gamers (there are too many I can't name you all!) and the role players (me, of course). With movies like Superbad and Sydney White, there's a sudden increase in the love of nerdy guys. But there are so many geek chicks out there too, and we need our recognition!

1. Smart is sexy. There’s a reason Sexy Librarian is one of the top Halloween costumes every year. Because there’s something mysteriously sexy about what lies behind those thick rimmed glasses and beneath that cardigan. Smart girls are sexy because they’re not expected to be sexy. They’re a nice surprise – a reason to look up from your studying, even to pay your library fines.

2. She can probably beat your high score/redesign your blog/do your math homework/has a better comic book collection than you. A real man loves a challenge. And what’s more challenging than a woman who not only shares your interests, but even beats you at them? You have a lot to learn from a geeky girl. She can beat you at Star Wars trivia, you two can spend the afternoon in her favourite multiplayer or she can entertain you with fun historical facts. And just think – together you can probably fix anything. Or take over the world.

3. You speak the same language. You don’t have to bother yourself with explaining acronyms or characters, because she already knows what it means. Whether html, Latin, binary, computer specs or WoW, to your geeky girl it’s the language of love.

4. She’s not clingy. A geeky girl isn’t as clingy as the average girl. She has her own commitments, her own WoW character, her own convention buddies and her own programming to do. She’s happy to spend time with you, but she doesn’t need you to be available 24/7. Which is great, because you have your own geekery to tend to, and these things take time.

5. Won't hate you for going to a LAN conference/comic book convention and will probably come with you. That’s right, you could be that guy who brings the girl. Worshipped as a God, you’re the nerd who gets some at the conference or convention. You’re the dude with arm candy. And you didn’t even have to pay her.

6. Will gladly dress up as the Princess Zelda to your Link for Halloween (or Harley Quinn to Joker, Mrs. Lovett to Sweeney Todd, Princess Leia to your Han Solo, Cleopatra to your Caesar.) There’s nothing better than pair’s costumes. Remember how lonely it was to go solo as Solo? Remember last Halloween they laughed at your elf ears? That’s solved by bringing your very own sexy geek counterpart!

7. Willing to role play. In and out of the bedroom. Enough said.

8. Your favourite activities are now sexy activities. Imagine adding sex to all your favourite nerd pastimes! This is now possible, with your nerdy girlfriend. Multiplayer? Check. Wii Fit? Definitely check.

9. She'll settle for being serenaded with Rock Band instruments instead of real ones. Because she’s geeky, all of your geeky ideas of romance will have her swooning. What better way to say Happy Valentines than with a new website design? Or Happy Birthday with tickets to the opening night of Wolverine? Nothing says Merry Christmas like battling the forces of evil together.

10. She’s looking for you. Above all, the best thing about a geeky girl is that she’s probably looking for a geeky guy. After trying her hand at dating jocks and jerks, she’s probably looking for someone who’s actually interesting and who’s interested in her. For once, your chances increase directly with your nerdiness. You can impress her with your geekery.

Mythology Mondays: A friend to mankind

2009-04-27T00:01:00.000-04:00

Prometheus is a Titan, the son of Atlas. Now, the Titans don't really like the Olympians much, being that Zeus and his siblings sort of stole their power from them. Prometheus, however, is a special case.

In some accounts, it was Prometheus who created mankind out of mud. But Prometheus is best known for his gift to man - essentially the gift of civilization.

Prometheus tricked Zeus. On the event of the first sacrifice to the Gods, Prometheus divided the animal into two portions and wrapped each in cloth. In one portion was the bones and fat, all of the inedible parts of the animal. In the other portion was the meat. Prometheus spoke to Zeus on behalf of mankind. He bade Zeus to choose which portion he would take for himself. Zeus, of course, chose the larger bundle. Prometheus had made sure that the sack of bones and fat was larger. This set the precedence for all divine sacrifices - humans would feast on the meat and leave the bones for the Gods.

Out of anger, the Olympians kept the power of fire to themselves, to forge Zeus' lightening bolts, to light Helios' sun chariot. But Prometheus conspired to steal it back.

Prometheus begged admittance to Mount Olympus. He climbed to the heavens where he could reach Helios' chariot. He lit a torch on the flame of the sun and hurried back to Earth, where he gave fire to mankind. Hesiod says that with fire, humans were finally able to take the first steps towards civilization. That Prometheus gave man the means of life.

Prometheus' punishment is renowned. He was chained to a rock on the top of a mountain. Every day an eagle would swoop down and gnaw out his liver. Every night the liver would grow back, and Prometheus would have to suffer again the next day. He remained here through ages of mankind, until finally Heracles freed him.

Prometheus

For boons bestowed
On mortal men I am straitened in these bonds.
I sought the fount of fire in hollow reed
Hid privily, a measureless resource
For man, and mighty teacher of all arts.
This is the crime that I must expiate
Hung here in chains, nailed 'neath the open sky.

-Aeschylus' Prometheus Bound

Prometheus' brother Epimetheus, was the husband of Pandora. Prometheus' daughter was Pyrrha, the wife of Deucalion and the only woman to survive the Flood.

Not so there

2009-04-25T15:48:00.003-04:00

Fae appears to have noticed something about me in the past few days that no one else has noticed before... or maybe they were just too nice to comment about it.

Apparently, I have mentally challenged moments. This doesn't come as a huge shock to me, my dad has long called me the stupidest smart person he knows. This is because I generally live in my head, and I tend to zone out. I also tend to mess up on the small, stupid things in life because I'm too busy thinking about bigger things. Or at least, I like to think that's my excuse for being stupid.

This isn't a new revelation, Fae once looked back in the car and saw me just grinning absently out the window. Since in her family people don't smile, she was shocked.

And then there was the night with the Fanta. Where I just couldn't get it in my head that the pop machine wasn't working in the hostel.

Then, the other night we went to the movie store with Fae's boyfriend and roommate. When I get out the car I suddenly realize that Fae's looking at me funny.
"What...?"
"Nothing...."

We go inside. I'm walking around, looking at the movies. Suddenly, Fae turns around and starts laughing at me.
"What...?"

Apparently I was actually walking around, twirling my hair with my finger with this blank smile on my face. Fae was hysterical. Apparently I'd had the exact same blank expression when I got out of the car earlier.

We have since come to the conclusion that I have mentally challenged moments. And it makes so much sense. I also sometimes rock back and forth in circles when I'm sitting down, without realizing it.

I swear I'm really a smart person....

Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #2

2009-04-25T11:13:00.002-04:00

Also known as why Hez and Fae shouldn't travel together.

When I was living in Ireland, Fae came to visit for the last week before I went home. We decided to plan a Great European Adventure. We were going to go to London, Paris and then drive around Ireland for a few days to see what I hadn't been able to see on a bus yet.

First thing, we found out that without a substantial credit card and at the age of 20, we could not rent a car in Ireland. Or anywhere. So that part was shot, but we were still heading to Paris and London!

On Thrusday morning, 5am, I got on the bus to Dublin to meet Fae at the airport. I had already had enough of Dublin by that point, from the week I was there at the beginning and then a trip for the weekend to pick up Kristen, so I was very done with Dublin. So instead of staying at all, we just got on a bus back. And we were going to London via the Shannon airport the next morning at 5am. So of course we spent the night drinking at the pub I was working at, and stumbled home to bed for about three hours sleep. We got on a bus to Shannon. We arrived, walked right up to flight counter. We gave the woman our passports.

I realized that it was taking a little too long for her to find us as passengers.
"Do you have a printout of your ticket information?" she asked. I handed it to her. She looked down at it, and looked back up at us.
"Your flight left yesterday morning at 6am."

For anyone who's ever booked through RyanAir, you'll know that they give you a bunch of dates close to yours so that you can find the cheapest. I thought I was just chosing a cheaper time, when I was actually choosing a different day entirely.

It was just after 5am and we had tickets to see Wicked in London that night. And, again, for those of you who know RyanAir, you'll know that they are absolutely completely unflexible, and any time you have to book something less than two weeks in advance, it's ridiculously expensive.

Needless to say, we freaked out. We had to wait until 6am for the ticket counters to open to find ourselves a flight. Finally, 6 came around and 150 euros later we had a new flight to London. Understandably, we were upset for being a whole lot poorer. But we were optimistic.
"Well, when we get to London let's check all our tickets. It's fine, we're going to get there in time and it was just a little glitch."

So we spent the weekend in London. We were supposed to leave for Paris on Sunday night. Sunday morning we went for a free walking tour of London. At the end of six hours of walking, we were wandering around Westminster Abbey.
"We should go soon so we can get back to the hostel in time to take the tube to Heathrow," I say.

So we headed back. We're sitting on the tube on our way to King's Cross and Fae turns to me.
"You know, the flight might have arrived in Paris at 7pm..." she says. I stare at her. It's almost 4pm, Paris is a one hour time difference and we're about an hour away from Heathrow. We practically run back to the hostel to check our ticket. Sure enough, our flight leaves at 4:10. I look up at the clock on the front desk.
"Is there anyway we could get to Heathrow in ten minutes?" I ask the girl at the front desk. She looks at me like I'm crazy. The next hour or so would prove her right.

Our problem is now compounded. Not only do we want to go to Paris, but we have to get to Paris to get our flight back to Ireland, so that we can each catch our flights back home at the end of the week. I go downstairs to the computers to see if I can find us a flight last minute. I give Fae the number for the hostel in Paris and tell her to see if she can cancel our deposit on our room there that night.

As I'm scrolling through the fares on RyanAir, I'm getting prices like 300 pounds one way to get to Paris. I panic. At this point I've been living off my credit card and my parent's charity for the last two months, and I definitely don't have 300 pounds ($600 Canadian at the time!). Fae comes down from using the phone and looks flustered.
"I hate you!" she says. I blink.
"What...?"
"I don't speak French!!" she says. I burst out laughing. I had completely forgotten that I'd booked the hostel in French, that she would need to speak French to cancel our reservation. Apparently, she managed to do it anyway, in English. Much needed comic relief.

Finally, the only affordable situation that I can come up with is to exchange our flight from Paris to Shannon into a flight from London to Dublin, and pay the difference. Which was still a lot of money. The flight would leave two days later, at 6am.

On the plus side, we got an extra day in London - which meant we got to see some of my favourite things: the British Museum, Abbey Road and Spamalot. We also went out for Chinese food that was very expensive and I didn't even realize it until I got my credit card bill the next month. $120 dinner? At least it was good!

But we never did get to Paris.

We finally got back to Galway, exhausted and very poor. I decided to pick up a shift at the pub the next night, to get some money to pay my last week of rent. Everyone else thought all of our misadventures were hilarious (which, in retrospect, they really were.) So my roommate texts me and says:
"Callan (the manager) says you can work, but if you're late he's going to charge you 150 euro."

And then we went on to lose Fae's wallet, complete with her last 200 euro, and our ability to walk in Killarney. But that's a whole other story.

Of course, the reason Fae and I are best friends is because somehow, after all of this, we ended up having the best week of our lives and laughing our asses off that night at dinner.

Pittsburgh, PA

2009-04-24T16:37:00.007-04:00

Today I went walking around Pittsburgh to take some pictures, while Fae was at work. Pittsburgh is a gorgeous city, and doubly interesting because it has a long past as the USA's first steel town. But it baffles me a little, because it seems to always be uphill. In both directions.

It's so warm out today, like summer. I have to say that my little knit dress was not the bet wardrobe choice, as much as I love it.

The view from Grandview...

I was amazed that there were flowers blooming in Pittsburgh! It's still all dead in Ottawa.

There are a lot of benches on Grandview, so you can sit and enjoy the view.

Me! It's hard to take a picture of myself with the Olympus.

I was inclined to take the incline down the mountain.

So I jumped the fence (not easy in a dress) and found this clearing with a bunch of abandoned pieces of... well, I think this is part of the incline mechanism, maybe? And there were pieces of statues...

These stairs are terrifying. I hate the stairs where you can see through the back.

Fort Pitt Bridge, says Fae's roommate Dan.

For anyone who has read The Perks of Being a Wallflower: The Fort Pitt Tunnel, where they felt infinite.

Et c'est tout!

See Lascaux du Monde for some graffiti pics.

Interview with a Vampire

2009-04-24T13:05:00.001-04:00

For some reason, I had never seen Interview with a Vampire. Until yesterday.

It was so hot. It made me want to read the books. It was absolutely everything that Twilight failed to be. And I didn't doubt it would be, it's just that I didn't know it was this good. I really think that Brad Pitt is one of the most attractive people in the world.

I love him most in the period piece epics, where he has long hair.

As Tristan, in Legends of the Fall.

And of course as Achilles in Troy. Though that movie was horrible, he actually looked like a Greek God.

Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #1

2009-04-24T02:26:00.003-04:00

When Fae and I were walking around Pittsburgh tonight, we were talking about some classic Hez/Fae moments and thought it would be a good idea to share some with you. So I'm going to start with my favourite, because of the sheer hilarity.

So let's preface this with the fact that, for those of you who don't know me personally, I have a fairly big boobs. It's something I've come to terms with. They have their own fans, who am I to oppress them? Well, here's an example of how they saved my life.

It was the summer, and Fae was still living with her parents. We were prone to getting hopped up on sugar and talking all night. We decided it would be a really great idea to climb up on the roof and lay out with some blankets, gaze at the stars and have one of those life changing talks that you have so often when you're a teenager, and forget how to when you get older.

Let's get one thing straight - I am terrified of heights. Not so much of being in high places, but of going up ladders or stairs where you can see down. Once I'm up there, I'm fine. It's just the climb that terrifies me. Anyway, so Fae's parent's house is only one story high, and there was already a ladder leaning against it. Fabulous! Fae goes up first. I whimper a little about how I hate ladders, but eventually I get up there too. And we talk. And watch the stars. And it's all fantastic. Then we get a little tired and a little chilly and decide to call it a night. Fae goes down the ladder. I move to follow.

If there's anything scarier than going up a ladder, it's going down. And this is why. I took one step onto the first rung and it promptly broke, sending me flying through the ladder to the ground.

The funny part?

The reason I didn't hit the ground is because one of the bottom rungs of the ladder caught underneath my chest and it held me there. No joke. I didn't hit the ground. I was suspended in the air by my boobs alone.

There was a long silence.
"Are you okay...?!" Fae says. Her voice catches at the end. She's trying not to laugh.
"I... I'm trying to decide whether to laugh or cry right now," I answer. And then I start to laugh. Hysterically. Without end. I have a huge gash on the top of my thigh from hitting.. something (I still have a little bit of a scar) but I'm sitting there laughing hard enough to wake up her whole family.

"We should have gotten that on video!" says Fae, also hysterical.

The next day, limping slightly, I get to tell everyone I fell through a ladder. Fae's boyfriend's response? "Man, you should have gotten that on video!"

And that is how my boobs saved my life.

The Adventures of Faebala and Hezabelle

2009-04-23T14:18:00.008-04:00

After more than eight hours of driving yesterday, I arrived in Pittsburgh! I didn't even get lost, much. That's probably thanks to the GPS. So, in honour of being here with Fae, I thought I'd flashback to us over the years.

The very first time that we met, aren't our matching shirts hot?

Cheers, darling.

We asked a random bystander to take this picture and then hopped into the bathtub... He was very freaked out.

Mmm icing!

Sun bathing at the cottage!

We're so attractive!

I have this picture in my wallet... So straight!

So cold!

In NYC, at Strawberry Fields.

In December!

Today! I think I look a little.. out of it... but this was the best of all of them.

The Long and Winding Road

2009-04-22T08:30:00.000-04:00

I think it's a North American thing, mainly. The love of the road trip, the vaste highway stretched out into the horizon, the feeling of the ground rushing beneath your wheels. The speed. The wind. The feeling that you're getting somewhere - going somewhere.

The feeling that you're leaving everything behind, or returning to it. The feeling that if you wanted to, you could just keep driving. Just keep moving and never stop.

The feeling of control over where you're going...

And my wheels are turning to close the gap between me and my best friend. To bring us together for another short time.

I think the drive back will be harder.

To do

2009-04-21T11:24:00.004-04:00

Because I'm driving down to Pittsburgh tomorrow (YAY!) I find myself with a really long to do list today.

Pack.
Go to the hairdresser to get my bangs trimmed.
Finish putting together the exhibit catalogue for Billings.
Print out The Book so Fae and I can edit it.
See Kristen and Taylor before I leave because they won't be here when I get back!
Charge two cameras and one camcorder.
Charge/Sync my iPod.
Burn mix CD.
Make mini muffins.
Laundry.
Put away some of my stuff from the front hall so my parents don't have to trip over it all week.

I think that's it. I hope that's it. Because I barely have time for that, let alone anything else.

Tomorrow night when I get in, I'll try to post about my drive down. Since I'm sure I'll get lost, despite the GPS. IF I have time tonight, I will schedule a post to show up while I'm driving tomorrow... Maybe. We'll see.

On another interesting note, I had my first nosebleed ever.I was very surprised. I always figured that people were either prone to nosebleeds or not. Like those kids in school who always had nosebleeds. Needless to say, it was gross and I got blood everywhere. Also, I never realized that your mouth would taste like blood too. But I guess it makes sense.

Mythology Mondays: καλλίστη

2009-04-20T10:00:00.002-04:00

This myth is one I tell a lot. You see, it's the story behind one of my two tattoos.

This is the story of the Golden Apple.

When Queen Hecuba of Troy is pregnant with Paris, she dreams she gives birth to a pile of burning sticks. This is generally considered to be a bad omen. The Seer is called and he agrees. The Queen's baby will be the downfall of Troy. When Paris is born, Hecuba and her husband, King Priam, are supposed to kill him. But they have a change of heart, and instead send him to be exposed. The herdsman, having been well educated in the role of herdsmen in Greek myths, does not kill the baby but instead raises Paris as his own son.

Years later, two gods are getting married on Olympus. They make the mistake of not inviting Eris, the goddess of Discord. She shows up anyway, and plays a little trick. She takes out a golden apple engraved with the word καλλίστη - "for the fairest." She tosses the Apple into the middle of a throng of goddesses. Immediately, each goddess thinks it should be for her, since she is the most beautiful. Hera, Athena and Aphrodite all lay claim to the apple. They demand that Zeus choose between them. Now, Zeus isn't an idiot, he's not going to get himself embroiled in this. So he dictates that a mortal must chose.

Meanwhile, Paris has grown up to be a beautiful shepherd boy. He's lying in the shade of a tree, when suddenly the sky opens up and he receives a decree from Zeus. He is to judge which of the three goddesses is the fairest.

Each of the goddesses come down to bribe Paris, in turn. Hera offers him the kingship of all of Greece and Asia, to be the most powerful man in the world. Athena offers to make him invincible in battle, the greatest warrior of all time. Aphrodite offers him the love of the most beautiful woman in Greece.

Paris, not a particularly smart or courageous man, chooses Aphrodite. Aphrodite promises him the hand of Helen of Sparta, who is married to Menelaus. Paris decides that first, of course, he must go regain his royal title. He marches directly to Troy, announces who he is, and is welcomed with open arms as one of King Priam's fifty sons.

Soon enough, Paris builds a beautiful boat and sails off to Sparta, under the guise of an ambassador. He stays with Menelaus and Helen for many days, speaking to the husband of peace and Mediterranean trade agreements in the day, and making eyes at Helen at night. It is often debated whether Helen was in love with Paris as well, but in Greek literature the matter is largely irrelevant, since Paris would have taken her whether he has to abduct her or not.

Menelaus is called away from Sparta, and the very next day Paris leaves with Helen and her dowry. They escape to Troy. At first, the Trojans are weary of Helen, knowing the trouble her abduction will cause. But it is said that eventually, they all became enchanted by her beauty and even the women wished her to stay.

Menelaus was understandably furious. He was not a particularly handsome, wise or brave man, but he had bought Helen from her father fair and square. Normally, what you would have had after the abduction of a wife was a small two city battle, which Menelaus would have undoubtedly lost to the unbreakable walls of Troy. But this wasn't a normal case.

Helen was the most beautiful woman in Greece. When she was twelve, the hero Theseus had abducted her from her father's house, thinking to take her for his own. (In Greece, and later in Rome, there were two ways of getting married- the official way and the marriage by rape way, in which a man abducted a virgin, raped her and then started calling her his wife.) But he had second thoughts, and eventually she was returned to her family. But now her father, Tyndareus, knew there was going to be a problem when it came time to marry her off.

Indeed, by the age of fifteen, Helen had dozens of suitors - among them the most wealthy and heroic men in Greece: Odysseus, Diomedes, Menelaus, Patroclus, Antilochus, both the lesser and greater Ajax. Tyndareus recognizes the problem. He has to choose just one husband, but he risks pissing off a dozen or so of the most powerful men in Greece by doing so. It's Odysseus who comes up with a plan. Odysseus realizes that as the King of the small island of Ithaca, he doesn't have much to offer and little hope of winning. So he tell Tyndareus he will help him if Tyndareus promises him Helen's cousin, Penelope.

The result is the Oath of the Horse. Tyndareus sacrifices a horse to Zeus, and divides it into thirteen pieces. In order to be considered for Helen's hand, each suitor must swear on a piece of the horse that he will uphold Tyndareus' choice and defend whichever man is chosen as Helen's husband, should someone try to steal her from him. The suitors agree, and Menelaus is chosen as Helen's husband.

So by stealing Helen from Menelaus, he has not only pissed off the brother of Agamemnon, the most powerful of the Greek kings, but also all of Helen's suitors who are sworn to defend Menelaus.

Oh, and Hera and Athena are so on the side of the Greeks because they still hate Paris for not chosing them. Aphrodite remains devoted to Troy, because of Paris and also because her lover, Anchises, and her son, Aeneas, are cousins of the royal family. But who would you rater have on your side in a war, the goddess of love or the goddess of battle?

And thus the kings of Greece launch a thousand ships for Troy. And spend ten long years trying to break through the walls of the fortress of Ilium.

My awesome tattoo, for the fairest.

Lascaux du Monde

2009-04-19T20:40:00.002-04:00

I recently created a new blog, with my long time friend Steph. Steph and I share a love for traveling, and also for interesting graffiti. We both have big plans to travel more, and so we decided to make a blog dedicated to pictures of graffiti from around the world. They're like postcards to each other, too, to keep us connected.

I just finished designing it, so I thought I would post the link. Enjoy!

http://lascauxdumonde.blogspot.com/

Archaeologists dig up a story from Ottawa's past

2009-04-17T23:37:00.001-04:00

It's 1885 and the city of Ottawa is a different place. The LeBreton Flats are not an empty space next to the Canadian War Museum to hold Ottawa Bluesfest each year. Instead, they are a busy part of the growing national capital, a settlement of mostly labourers and the home of Ottawa's second oldest train station between Booth and Broad Streets.

See the full story here.

They finally put our Science Reporting features up. Take a look. See, I told you I was a journalist!

The continuation of when Hez failed

2009-04-17T21:58:00.004-04:00

This day is exhausting me.

I woke up this morning to an e-mail that I had failed the appeal on my exam. I think I stopped breathing for almost a minute. Then, I tried to fix it...

I've been e-mailing back and forth with the Dean all day, trying to figure things out. See, I really really want to graduate in June. If I can at least manage that, then it will be okay. I will still be able to go to Newcastle, get my visa and everything.

Today, after speaking with my adviser at Carleton, I thought that might be possible. Now I have no idea what to think. If I have to reregister in the course I can't do so until June 1, which means I would not be able to graduate on June 10th. So now I have to hope the Registrar's Office will allow me to take a third exam without reregistering.

I fucking hate this. I cannot handle this anymore.

changing all my strings, I'm gonna write another traveling song...

2009-04-16T20:35:00.004-04:00

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is...

I'm going on a road trip next week. I'm going to drive down 8 hours to visit Fae, and I'm making a playlist. A eight hour playlist, for my iPod (yay Aux input!). So I thought this a really good time to write about my love for Traveling Songs. Which I promised when I wrote about Old Soul Songs. This is going to be hard because I always want to spell it "travelling," so I'm going to have to spell check the hell out of this...

The above quoted is one of my all time favourite songs, Cathedrals by Jump Little Children. It's so beautiful, and completely describes how I feel in my life right now, why I can't stay in one place.

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now

From I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. There are so many Death Cab songs about traveling that I adore. Okay, I adore most Death Cab songs. I think they're so sexy. Yes, sexy music. It's true. Anyone who wants to make out with me need only play me Death Cab.

Well I woke up in a car
I traced away the fog
So I could see the Mississippi on her knees
I've never been so lost
I've never felt so much at home
Please write my folks and throw away my keys
I woke up in a car

No music post would be complete without a little Something Corporate, the band that inhabits every atom of my soul. Another line of this song says "I met a girl who kept tattoos for homes that she had loved." I've always wanted to be that girl. Because I believe you can call a lot of places home. I also love tattoos and have two. Another Something Corporate song is where the url for this blog came from

Light breaks underneath a heavy door
and I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around you on a hotel floor
and you think that you've made a mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach
from another sleepless binge
I struggle to get myself up again
I want to hang onto something
that wont break away or fall apart
like the pieces of my heart

Globes and maps are all around me now
I want to feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
why wont you believe me?
Globes and maps they chartered your way back home
do you want to leave or something?

Globes and Maps, by Something Corporate. Because even if the songs are about how sad and lonely traveling is, I love them. Because it makes me think of airplanes and bus rides and new things and going places. Anywhere but here.

You'll have to excuse me,
I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month
I've been drunk since I left.

Home for a Rest, which I thought was by Great Big Sea, but turns out it's actually by Spirit of the West. It pretty much sums up my trip to Ireland, so I love that. It's such a fun song, but sad if you listen to the lyrics.

Well I’m changing all my strings
I’m gonna write another traveling song
About all the billion highways and the cities at the break of dawn

Like a lot of twenty-somethings I'm just looking for the next place to call home.

What I learned this year - or the various adventures of Apartment 4

2009-04-15T12:55:00.000-04:00

This morning I wrote my (hopefully) last exam of my undergraduate degree.

As the year comes to an end, I've decided to make a list of the things I've learnt over the course of this year. Here goes:

Even (or especially) when procrastinating, living with your friends is hella fun.
Try as she might, Kristen will never learn how to teleport us to school.
What happens in the edit suites stays in the edit suites - true friendship is surviving being stuck in a small cubicle with a temperamental computer and a tight deadline.
Powdered donuts can get me through anything.
Wednesday nights are fierce. ANTM and girls night.
Hummus should not be used in the bedroom.
That night in San Quinn was unforgettable.
If you make a giant vat of chili on the weekend, you have food all week!
How to push myself to max sushi capacity. Also, how to make sushi.
M&M brownies in a box are the best kind of brownies, in a box.
There are few problems that can't be solved by Hagen Daas.
It's very hard to fashion an erect penis on a sugar cookie man with just icing.
Journalism sucks. Wait, I already knew that. This year I learned that certain things, like docs and fun archaeology articles aren't so bad.
Testes? Testicles? It's interchangeable.
Everyone should have an slogan. Like Kristen, Canada's Open Person.
How to dance like no one's watching.
You can eat grilled cheese three to four days a week, two meals a day.
Every day is a Tea Party.
Science isn't as scary as I thought.
It's very difficult to walk down four flights of stairs in heels when drunk.
It is possible to live for a year with only three walls.
I look damn hot in a grad cap, unlike the majority of people. Unfortunately, without the hat I look like a smirking fool holding fake flowers.
Museums are awesome.
How to make egg salad. And heart shaped scones. And a million cookies.
I have the best friends in the world, and I owe the survival of this year and the three before that to them.

And now.... what four BJ students are really good for....

Yum

2009-04-15T07:22:00.003-04:00

At the movies on Monday night:

Hez: I don't understand how I can be so attracted to someone like Hugh Jackman *points to Wolverine poster* and then also be attracted to someone like Michael Cera *points to an article about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World*
Kaitlyn: One of them you want to talk dirty to you, the other you want to talk nerdy to you.

Second best Kaitlyn quote ever.

Year One

2009-04-13T22:19:00.002-04:00

Until a couple of hours ago, I thought that the movie I was looking forward to most for the summer was Wolverine. I was wrong.

As you probably know, I love history jokes. What you may not know is that I also love Michael Cera. I give you Year One:

Hilarious. I can't wait!

Mythology Mondays: Agamemnon and the Oresteia

2009-04-13T16:09:00.006-04:00

I'm going to start this story with the early history of Helen. So Queen Leda catches the eye of Zeus. Zeus comes down to seduce Leda... as a swan. Leda has sex with the swan, but also with her husband the same night. A while later she gives birth to two eggs. One egg contains the dioscuri - Castor and Polydeuces. Castor is mortal, while Polydeuces is immortal. The second egg contains Helen and Clytemnestra. Helen is immortal (sort of) and Clytemnestra is a mortal.

There are a lot of stories that can go in here: the various adventures of the dioscuri, Theseus abducting Helen and the oath of the horse.... But those are all other Mondays. For now, it will suffice you to know that Helen was married off to Menelaus of Sparta, and Clytemnestra was married to Agamemnon of Mycenae, the sons of Atreus.

So Paris takes Helen off to Troy and the Trojan War starts (that's next Monday). Agamemnon is the leader of all of the Greeks. They're getting ready to leave for Troy (launching a thousand ships) but they can't get a good wind. So Agamemnon gets an oracle that he needs to appease Artemis, and that to do this he has to sacrifice his daughter Iphegenia. So he does this, and off they sail to Troy. They wage war for ten years, until they eventually win and return home.

Clytemnestra, Agamemnon's wife, is understandably angry that he's killed her daughter. While he's away, she takes Aegisthus, Agamemnon's cousin and Thyestes' son, as her lover. They plan to kill Agamemnon in revenge when he returns.

Agamemnon returns to Mycenae with Cassandra, the princess of Troy with a gift for prophecy.

Cassandra:
Apollo, Apollo!
Lord of the ways, my ruin.
Where have you led me now at last? What house is this?
Chorus:
The house of the Atreidae. If you understand
not that, I can tell you; and so much at least is true.
Cassandra:
No, but a house that God hates, guilty within
of kindred blood shed, torture of its own,
the shambles for men's butchery, the dripping floor.

-Aeschylus' Agamemnon

Clytemnestra stabs him to death. And Cassandra too.

In the Greek world, a son is bound by honour to revenge his father's murder. Orestes, Agamemnon's son, is therefore bound to kill Clytemnestra. But there's a problem. Seeing as Clytemnestra is his mother, he'll be cursed if he kills her, and Aegisthus too. Anyway, eventually Orestes does kill his mother, in The Libation Bearers. And then throughout The Eumenides, he's chased by the furies and cursed for his mother's death. Eventually, he makes penance for his actions, and finally, Orestes is the one who breaks curse of the Tantalids.

My life, the cast of characters

2009-04-12T22:00:00.002-04:00

I talk a lot about my friends and how much they mean to me, but I sort of mention them in abstract ways. This is a post dedicated to the cast of colourful characters that make my life bearable. Hopefully they'll all forgive me for posting their pictures.

The best friend. My Faebala/Fae/Faerie/Elphaba/Sar/Sari is unquestionably my favourite person. She's my other half. We've been best friends for almost nine years, despite living 8 hours away from each other. We see each other two or three times a year. We have been there for each other through the hardest and happiest times of each other's lives. We're writing a book together. We've traveled together, to Ireland, London and New York City. We dreamed of living in London together - and still dream that someday it will work out. In short, Fae is so important to me that she's the only person to have her own tag on my blog, and is also one of my most commonly used tags. We also have matching tattoos, which we got together the week of Feb 15 (significant to us because of the Bright Eyes song) last year.

The roommates. The exploits of Apartment 4 are nothing short of legendary. I met Kristen when I was waking up at 4am every morning to do media monitoring in second year. We bonded over our mutual hatred of life at that hour of the day. We went out for breakfast a lot, where Kristen would make fun of me for getting nutella all over my face. (Kristen SEEMS like a nice person but she mocks you mercilessly!) I went over to her place for her birthday that year, where I was introduced to her roommates and the idea of the Vortex. This led to me, at the age of 20, throwing up from drinking for the first time... and second time. I went to Ireland that summer, and Kristen came to visit. She and Taylor moved into the same building, different apartment the next year. I spent almost every Saturday night (and often other nights...) on their futon. Exploits and adventures were had, notably of the drunken and journalism varities. This September, I moved in with them into a wonderful half room in the living room that we lovingly call the alcove. Many nights of boogling, cards, drinking, cooking, stressing and procrastinating were had.

The person I've known longest. I've known Kaitlyn since I was two years old. Really, we're more like sisters than just friends. I don't think there's anyone in the world who knows me quite like Kaitlyn. When I was a member of Journalists for Human Rights, I took a 24 hour vow of silence. During this time, I needed to eat... Well, Kaitlyn could order for me. Then we hung out. And somehow, her and I had an entire conversation without me speaking. It's really quite astounding. And we always laugh that our families are like each other's second families. We also share an incredible love of chocolate.

The neighbour. I've know Jes almost as long as I've know Kaitlyn. We've been friends since about 4 or 5. She lives just down the street from my parents house. We walked to school together everyday for... probably almost 10 years. During those years we talked about everything. Interestingly enough, Jes and I ended up in the same program at Carleton, and we've since struggled through four years of j-school together and produced a really awesome doc.

The sister. My sister and I are really close. We have tea together at our favourite cafe, The Tea Party, almost every week. My sister has always been that person who really broadens my horizons. She teaches me so much, and I really look up to her. Even if she's shorter than me. I really admire her, too, for finding something she really loves and having the courage to pursue it.

The Chris. The Chris, who used the word "the" infront of everything. The almost roommate, who comes over for dinner every week. Who eats fried chicken with me. Who amuses me endlessly with her stories, even when they're about nothing at all ("and then I didn't get into the class!"). Who inspired my love of blogging, and of chicken caesar wraps. Chris always makes me smile.

My Galway Girls. My summer in Ireland was probably the best time of my life so far. Those four months were more full of laughter, drink, tears, first times, last times and craic than any other time. And in the process I met my wife (at least on Facebook), Lain, and my Steph. Lain and I lived together, Steph and I watched Sex and the City together. They were months full of money woes, horrible jobs and rain... but also bicycle rides, weekend trips, concerts, dancing and talking for hours. I'll never forget my Galway Girls, just like I'll never forget Galway. I can only hope that some day, we'll all be in the same place again. We have a five year reunion tentatively planned for The Puck Fair in 2012.

The family. I am incredibly lucky to have a really wonderful family. Also, to generally get along with my family, which is a plus. I love my parents, I still miss them when I go away. And more than that, I'm really proud of them as people, not just as my parents. Then there's my kitten, who I adore. And my extended family, my grandparents, my cousins, my aunt and uncle. It makes me so happy to know that so many people love me and are looking out for me!

The lovable extras. Include my close group of high school friends, various school friends and awesome people who I should probably know better but sadly don't. And you, because if you're reading this blog you are also awesome.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T10:00:00.002-04:00

Easter is always the holiday I sort of forget about, because it changes dates every year and because it's usually right in the middle of exams and final essays.

Come September

2009-04-11T21:19:00.003-04:00

Do you ever want something so badly that you're sure the world is going to try to take it away from you?

I am not a "lucky" person. This is not to say that I'm not incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful family, great friends and all of the opportunities that go along with a middle class upbringing and my health.

But if we're talking a roll of the dice, win the lottery, pull your name out of a hat kind of lucky - I'm not it. I envy people who have those charmed lives. We all know them, just when everything seems to be taking a turn for the worse, something comes along and saves them. They seem to somehow be given chances the rest of us don't have.

I learned a long time ago that I have to fight for everything I want in life. I learned a long time ago not to place my happiness in other people hands.

Which is why, last month, when I was making a pro/con list for grad schools and looking up cars to buy for another summer working at Pinhey's, I couldn't imagine a time where things fit together so perfectly before. I couldn't remember being that thrilled about my future.

And this is where the post gets depressing...

I try to be an optimistic person. After years of emotional pessimism in high school, I surrendered to the fact that at heart I'm a daydream believer. So over the last four years I've embraced that side of myself as much as possible.

But I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that something was going to go wrong.

First, I had a meeting with my boss and found out that I wasn't going to be able to go back to Pinhey's this summer. I'm conflicted about this, because the job I did get is still with the museums, but it's the Tea Coordinator job at Billings. And to truly understand why it upsets me, you have to understand how much I love Pinhey's. From the first day of my job last summer, I felt like a part of me belonged there. I loved every second of my job last summer. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend a summer, on the water in a house that was built in the early 19th century. In costume. So it's not that I'm unhappy with the job at Billings, so much as I know I'm really going to miss Pinhey's.

Secondly, I failed. Which I've written about already.

And now, the financial implications of moving to England and paying overseas tuition are catching up to me. I think I live in a little bit of a bubble, and don't fully understand what money means sometimes. I do now. The bank rejected my first application for a student line of credit this week, and now I have to look into other options.

I am a strong person. I have all the ability in the world to do things for myself. But this... I can't deal with. It's just too big. When I think about it my heart hurts and it's hard to breath.

I have gone through four years of arguably the most demanding journalism program in the country. I have hated nearly every minute of it. I have worked myself raw to get where I am and it was all leading up to this. To grad school. I may not have known it all along, but as soon as I made the decision I had that awed feeling of the pieces fitting together. This is what I wanted to do. More than anything. It was my future. I didn't need to know what came after, I just needed to know that that's where I was going to be in September.

But now, with all of these obstacles in my way, is it? Am I going to lose this?

MFEO*

2009-04-10T12:04:00.007-04:00

I was watching TV the other day, and thought "This is a really cute commercial...."

"...For Fritos?"

I don't get it... But it's nice? If you click on the YouTube video, you can see all the rest of the series too.

*MFEO = a Jack's Mannequin song, Made For Each Other. I feel like maybe they should use it in the commercial.

Brownie fail

2009-04-10T00:02:00.002-04:00

I have some really awesome friends who have been trying to cheer me up this week. Kaitlyn is one of them, and she made me brownies.

We're calling it a Brownie Fail because it doesn't seem to have cooked through... but I have to say - it's very tasty. Yum.

There are very few things that brownies can't cure. I love my friends.

Year of Wonders

2009-04-09T21:02:00.003-04:00

Fae and I decided that for the next little while, we're going to give each other one book to read and one movie to watch every month.

In March, I watched Holes. I made Fae watch Camp Rock and read Magic's Pawn, one of my absolute favourite fantasy books of all time.

And I read Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks.

The novel is alarmingly descriptive. I say alarmingly because it's a book about the Plague. Based n true events, the book is set in a small English village. When a delivery of fabric arrives from London, suddenly one of the townspeople is struck with the Plague. It spreads, as Plagues do, and many people die. The town minister convinces them to quarantine themselves so that they don't spread the disease to other villages. They do, and within a year the Plague has swept through the village and cut it's population in half.

I have to preface this with the fact that I really did like the book, I was entertained by it the whole way through and it was definitely very vivid.

That being said, I found the main character highly unbelievable. One of the typically perfect characters, barely a misstep. Raised poor and never educated, but somehow able to speak very articulately and read and write well within a year of evening lessons. Somehow able to notice things that more educated people don't. And somehow able to be significantly more virtuous than all her neighbours and family members. Suddenly able to heal the sick and birth babies.

On top of that.. the book changed completely in the last 50 pages or so. Completely. It was like a whole different story. I'm not sure it was needed, and frankly, it confused me enough to have to re-read certain parts.

But still, as I said.. it was a good read. It was a very interesting look at what people do when faced with that kind of destruction. And definitely an insight into what people of faith do when their faith in God is challenged.

Some lines:

"I open the door to my cottage these evenings on a silence so thick it fall upon me like a blanket. Of all the lonely moments of my day, this one is always the loneliest."

"... The reverend was but eight and twenty. And yet his young man's face, if you looked at it closely, was scored with furrows at the brow and starbursts of crows' feet beside the eyes - the marks of a mobile face that has frowned much in contemplation and laughed much in company. I have said that it could seem a plain face, but I think that what I mean to say is that it was his voice, and not his face, that you noticed. Once he began to speak, the sound of it was so compelling that you focused all your thoughts upon the words, and not upon the man who uttered them. It was a voice full of light and dark. Light not only as it glimmers, but also as it glares. Dark not only as it brings cold and fear, but also as it gives rest and shade."

There were a lot of great descriptions of the Plague, but I'll spare you. I hope I never get the Plague....

Oh and by the way, this was book #25. Which means I have to read 25 more between now and June 26th.

The one where Hez failed

2009-04-08T23:20:00.006-04:00

Okay, here's the thing. I'm good at school. It's what I do best. I'm a good writer and when worse comes to worse I can bullshit just about anything and still get a decent mark.

I don't fail.

I can count the number of times I have failed on less than one hand. A 45% on a French test in Gr. 7. I'm pretty sure I failed my final exam in Ancient Greek in first year, but I still consider it a success since I didn't throw up and I passed the class. It is likely that I failed one or more Latin test this summer. (Notice that I kind of suck at languages?)

That's it. I graduated high school with Honours. I've been on the Dean's List, I've gotten scholarships. My grades are good enough that I got into every grad school I applied for.

I was supposed to take Canadian History first year. It's a requirement for a journalism degree. But I hate Canadian History and was pretty sure I would eventually drop journalism. Well, I didn't. So I planned to take Canadian History last summer. The one summer that Carleton didn't offer it. I was left with only one choice: Athabasca University.

Athabasca is an online university. I paid them $1400 for six credits (equivalent to one full credit in my system). They sent me a billion text books. I left things to the last minute, as I usually do. I ended up writing four essays and two exams in three weeks. On the first course I got 85% on both essays and a 70% on the exam. Not great, but whatever. I wasn't looking for much. On the second course I got 65% on both essays (had to rewrite one..) and.... a 38% on the exam.

38%?! I was shocked. I had studied. Granted, I hadn't slept and I had written another exam right before it. But... I answered all the questions! In essay form!

So I had to take the exam again. Two weeks ago, I once again killed myself studying for this exam, trying to absorb Canadian history as best I could from a textbook.

This time, I got 37%. Seriously?!?! I can't get my head around it, and I've wanted to cry ever since I found out. I don't fail things.

I'm appealing the mark. And I'm praying to WHATEVER IS LISTENING - I just need 50%. I just need to pass.

I can't even be mad right now, because I'm so desperate.

If I don't pass this, I will not be able to graduate in June. And I have no idea what happens then.

Please please please please please.

That kind of week

2009-04-08T18:31:00.006-04:00

Comic by Fae, from our teenage years (notice my awesome punk style and purple hair!)

It's not enough, I'm sorry....

2009-04-08T12:22:00.005-04:00

There's nothing like the pain I feel for you.
Nothing left to hide, nothing left to fear.
I am always here.

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak.
It's not your fault.
When you climb up to your hill
Up to your place, I hope you will.

Some OLP for a depressing Wednesday afternoon.

J Prom: Or, where Hez cleans up real nice...

2009-04-06T17:27:00.004-04:00

I love getting dressed up! I hated my first prom, so here's to the second! AND to the end of journalism!

My new goddess inspired shoes!

The cameo... or a shot of my cleavage!

The one where you can see my bra/my bangs are too long and I'm channeling something mod. But you can see my gorgeous dress in this one.

Time to do BJs (shots) and get drunk!

Mythology Mondays: The Pelopids and the House of Atreus

2009-04-06T15:01:00.002-04:00

Seneca's Thyestes is possibly one of the most disturbing plays in ancient literature. True to Senecan style, there is very little action, but the description is very vivid.

Atreus:
Ay, may this mighty house of noble Pelops
Fall even on my head, if in its fall
It crush my brother too.

Messenger (much later):
The entrails torn from the warm bodies lay
Quivering, veins still throbbing, shocked hearts beating.
Atreu picked at the pieces, scrutinized
The message of the Fates, noted the signs
In the internal organs hot with blood.

Let's back up, shall we?

Last week I talked about Tantalus, and the curse on his descendants. I mentioned his son Pelops, poor kid who was fed to the Gods and now missing a shoulder.

Well, Pelops himself turned out to be less than pious (someday, I will talk about the Roman notion of piety ie. very different from Christian piety).

So, Pelops grows up and wants to marry Hippodamia. Hippodamia's father had heard a prophecy that his son in law would kill him. Therefore, he had of course killed all of Hippodamia's other suitors. Pelops has to defeat the father to win his bride, so he promises the father's chariot driver half the kingdom and the first night in bed with Hippodamia. The charioteer replaces the pins in the chariot wheels with beeswax and Hippodamia's father dies in the race, so Pelops can marry her. He then rescinds his promise to the charioteer, and throws him off the cliff. The charioteer curses Pelops as he dies.

This is the curse that ruins Pelop's sons.

Pelops and Hippodamia have three sons, Thyestes, Atreus and Chrysippus. Thyestes and Atreus conspire together to kill Chrysippus for the throne. Pelops exiles them, and they end up in Mycenae. They pretty much just usurp the throne, splitting the power.

Atreus finds a golden lamb in his herd, which by all rights he should sacrafice to the Gods. But instead he gives it to his wife Aerope to hide from the Gods. Aerope then gives the lamb to her lover, Thyestes. Thyestes convinces Atreus to agree that whoever possesses the golden lamb should have sole rule in Mycenae. Then he produces the lamb, making Aerope's adultery clear.

Atreus eventually wins his way back into joint kingship with his brother, but he's still bitter about the adultery thing. And, you know, wants the power to himself. So he plots to kill Thyestes' children and feed them to him (sound familiar?) He spends the night getting Thyestes drunk and talking about their reconciliation. Thyestes consumes a feast made from the flesh of his sons.

Thyestes:
What agitation in my stomach swells?
What moves within me? Some protesting burden
Lies on my heart, and in my breast a voice
That is not mine is groaning. O my children!
Where are you? Come! Your ailing father calls you.
If I can see your faces, all my pain
Will soon be ended. Do I hear them? Where?
Atreus (holding up the children's head):
Embrace your children, father! They are here.
Beside you. Do you recognize your sons?
Thyestes:
I recognize my brother!

Atreus' sons are Agamemnon and Menelaus, Thyestes' son (the one who wasn't eaten) is Aegisthus. More on them next week!

Pelops gives his name to the entire Peloponnese.Much later, the Spartans claim to be descended from Pelops and therefore hegemony in the Peloponnese.

Bush shaping

2009-04-05T17:12:00.005-04:00

This commercial annoys me. The whole idea of the double standard of women having to shave or wax their pubic hair really angers the usually relatively tame feminist in me. I'm not the only person I know who's had that conversation with a guy. When I wrote an article on waxing for the Charlatan last semester, one guys I asked said "Yeah, I'd ask a girl to wax." And then I asked him if he'd wax he said "Hell no, that's way too painful!" Damn straight it's painful! It's a good thing women are more tolerant of pain if we have to go through having hairs ripped from our most sensitive parts to look "sexy."

So here is yet another commercial that shows that girls should strive to have perfectly shaped bushes, with a brand new razor that I'm sure will give millions of women uncomfortable in-grown hairs. Seriously, who has time to shape their bush into a perfect circle?

Free your skin? Why not free your bush?

Wide Open Beaver*

2009-04-03T16:42:00.004-04:00

Via text message this morning:

Fae: It's raining here, is it raining there?
Me: No, but they say it's supposed to snow.
Fae: Ew, that's worse.
Me: Haha yeah, leave it to Ottawa.
Fae: Leave it to Ottawa beaver! haha. I'm so amused right now.

And she was, apparently. Because soon enough this appeared on my facebook Graffiti wall:

Via g-chat, two minutes ago:

Me: hahhahahhah!!!!!!!!!!

Why are you so talented?

How do you make a beaver look so good?
Fae: I don't think that's talent

Me: omg omg

Fae: I think that's bored.

Me: That's what he said.

*Yes, that is a reference to Breakfast of Champions.

The Book

2009-04-01T22:35:00.002-04:00

Fae and I are writing a book. Honestly. That word count to the left of this post isn't just random. We're finally doing what we've wanted to do since we were 13. The Book has almost four full chapters, and as of today over 30,000 words.

According to the omniscient Wikipedia:

Epic length novel 100,000 to 120,000 words
Full length novel 70,000 to 100,000 words
Mid-length novel 50,000 to 70,000 words
Novella 25,000 to 50,000 words
Novelette 15,000 to 25,000 words
Short story 1,000 to 15,000 words
Flash fiction 1,000 words or less
Micro fiction 100 words

So, we officially have a decent length novella. Knowing us, it will reach "Epic Length Novel" eventually, simply because we both enjoy the word epic and have definitely called our plots that before.

What is this book, you ask? Well, it's the culmination of mine and Fae's relationship, over 9 years of role playing. Not in the sexy way (much...) but in the RP way. As in, we have characters and we play scenes between them. It started out as a group thing, when we were 12 and 13. We used to RP Tamora Pierce books in Yahoo Clubs. That was where we met. Since then, it moved to just being the two of us, on Yahoo Messenger, and to a cast of over 500 characters who have nothing to do with Tamora Pierce.

Pretty much, it's a nerdy fantasy book. But I like to call it post modern fantasy, because we're not about the knights and dragons and names with apostrophes. Instead, our writing is very character based. And honestly, these characters could exist in any setting, it's just that fantasy is what we're familiar with and it's fun to give them magical powers. But it's not a typical fantasy at all. The fun thing is that we know these characters so well. I mean, for most of them we have their lineage planned out 6 generations back and 3 generations forward.

I have no idea what we'll do with it when we finish. Obviously it would be great to get it published, etc... but I think right now we're just doing it for us. Plus, we have a ways to go. We have at least two or three books planned out after this one.

Yup, we're nerds.

Heartbeat

2009-04-01T11:23:00.004-04:00

My posts, as of late, have been very long and historical. So I thought I'd break it up today and share the trailer for my documentary, premiering on Friday.

"Heartbeat: The Love Machine Story is the biographical tale of one of Ottawa's top pop-rock indie bands: The Love Machine. Working hard on their first full-length album, the band members fight financial troubles to pursue their dreams."

Me and three others produced this documentary for our Doc class, and I'm really proud of how it turned out. I've always thought that if I was going to do any journalism after J-School it would be documentaries. We got to work with a professional camera man and a professional editor, which was a great experience. And the band was awesome.

So here's the trailer... which I don't love (I didn't make it...) but it's for a documentary that I DO love, and will hopefully find a way to post once I get my hands on a dvd of it.

The Philosophy of Restoration

2009-03-31T18:52:00.007-04:00

A number of things today have me thinking about the restoration architecture and archaeology. In my Intro to Archaeology class we watched a movie about the restoration of the Parthenon. And I just went to a lecture at school by Mary Beard about the restoration of Pompeii.

My first introduction to the idea of restoration was at Pinhey's last summer. The house at Pinhey's was restored by the Canadian architect Julian Smith (who also restored the Vimy Memorial) in the 1990s. This is the part of the tour where I would discuss the philosophies of restoration. At Pinhey's, a lot of the house was left as it was found. This way, you can see the deterioration over time. The deterioration is part of the story. It's a story of a the gradual decline of the wealthiest family in March Township. Parts of the house needed to be restored in order to perserve the structural value and to allow it to be used as a regulation public place. But the philosophy of Julian Smith, as with most modern restoration architects, was to make it very obvious which parts were new material and which were original. You do this by not matching paints exactly or by not finishing the wood. So you get an idea of what it would have looked like, but you are changing the original material. This works very well at Pinhey's, since the family didn't do any major restorations while they were living there, due to their decline of wealth. At Billings it's a different case. The family renovated and modernized the house themselves while living there, which drastically changed the original structure of the house. Because of this, the outside of the Billings Estate National Historic Site looks old, but the inside looks fairly new, with white washed walls and such. Personally, I prefer the authenticity of Pinhey's, because when you walk in the front door you're essentially seeing what they saw 150 years ago.

The movie we watched in class this morning was a documentary about the ongoing restoration of the Parthenon. It was very interesting. Essentially, in order to keep the Parthenon standing at all, it was in need of a major restoration. But they've had alot of problems with it. You see, the Athenians didn't build the Parthenon to be straight. They built it to look straight. This means that all of the lines are slightly curved, creating the optical illusion of perfection, though it is actually imperfect. They didn't care about how was but how it looked. Which says a lot about the Athenians. This, however, leads to another problem. Each column is made in several marble pieces. But they are all different, by fractions and millimeters. That means each "piece" of the Parthenon only fits in one spot. They have to be very precise when creating the supporting pieces in order to get it just right. They've been at it for 30 years. It took the Athenians 7 years (under Pericles, during the Athenian Empire) to make the Parthenon. And, aren't we supposed to be more advanced than them? Apparently not. As the documentary says, not only did they have a complex system of measurement but they also had tools created in their mastery of mettalurgy that we can't replicate today.

This afternoon, Mary Beard was telling us about the Allied bombing of Pompeii in 1943. It destroyed many parts of the ruins of Pompeii, and as a result a lot of Pompeii isn't an original but a restoration. Beard said that as a society, we turn a blind eye to the restoration of major sites like Pompeii and Hadrian's Wall. Because we want to. We want to believe that this is our "unmediated contact" with the Roman World. That we're seeing what they saw. When really, a lot of the restorations, such as that of Pompeii and those done at Knossos by Arthur Evans, are more of a product of what we imagine the ancient world to be. It says as much about our society as it does about theirs, maybe more.

"As our vision of the ancient world changes, so does what we choose to find at Pompeii." - Mary Beard.

Mythology Mondays: The curse of the Tantalids

2009-03-30T23:05:00.006-04:00

I've noticed that some of my favourite blogs have theme days. I thought I would join in the trend! I love alliteration and clearly the only thing I know something about that starts with an m is.. Mythology!

A while back I posted that I was falling behind on my mythological conaissance and wanted to post more about it. Obviously, that didn't happen. But now it will! And I have.. 43 more minutes to write about a myth while it's still Monday!

I have always been interested in the family line of Tantalus, Pelops and Atreus and it's successive curses. This is the line of Agamemnon and Orestes. I wrote an essay in second year about Aeschylus' Agamemnon and the curse of the house of Atreus.

I think I'll start with Tantalus and move my way down through the line on subsequent Mondays, so you can all get out your copies of Aeschylus' Oresteia and know the whole background story.

From Tantalus, we get the word tantalize.

Tantalus is the son of Zeus and one of his many nymphs. Zeus invites him to dinner one night, on Olympus. Tantalus, always ambitious, steals nectar and ambrosia from the Gods and takes it back down to Earth to give to other mortals. This is a major faux pas in the Olympian circle. See, ambrosia is a secret of the Gods. And mortals aren't supposed to know secrets.

Zeus is pissed at his son. Tantalus decides it would be a good idea to sacrafice his own son Pelops to the Gods, à la Abraham and Isaac. Except Tantalus cuts Pelops into tiny pieces and boils him. He then serves this as a gourmet dish to the Gods, to appease them. Also, because he wanted to prove he was smarter than them, and trick them into eating a human. Except the Gods, being all omniscient and such, knew what was going on. All but poor Demeter who accidentally took a bite of the boy's shoulder. Zeus brings Pelops back to life, and they have to give him an ivory shoulder to replace the one eaten by Demeter.

Tantalus is sent to Tartarus, the place in Hades specially reserved for the worst evildoers. Here he is cursed with unquenchable hunger and thirst. He stood in a pool of water under a fruit tree for eternity. When he reached for a fruit, the branches would move just out of his reach. When he bent to drink, the water receded.

Poor Tantalus to taste the water tries,
But from his lips the faithless water flies:
Then thinks the bending tree he can command,
The tree starts backwards, and eludes his hand.
Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book 4

tan⋅ta⋅lize
–verb (used with object), -lized, -liz⋅ing.
to torment with, or as if with, the sight of something desired but out of reach; tease by arousing expectations that are repeatedly disappointed.

For the next several generations, Tantalus' descendants from Pelops onwards are cursed to always reach for their desires and be disappointed. Tune in next week for Pelops!

Old soul songs

2009-03-30T10:02:00.009-04:00

I was at my favourite local band's EP release concert on Friday night. Captain Firebutton is Kaitlyn's brother Cody's band. I've known Cody since I was two, and so I've seen pretty much every band he's ever been in. Finally, about two years ago, he joined an awesome one. I'm one of their biggest fans and I've been to almost every show.

One of their new songs is called Old World, and I loved it right away. Why?

The word "Babylon."

I have this love for what I call old soul songs* - songs that reference history at all, but especially in reference to love as old as time.

Soloman falls on his face in love with me.
He grows as old as the sea, deep where the fishes are.
He lives in the yard.
He keeps himself hard.
He keeps himself homeless and heartless and hard.
He sleeps under stairs along with the heirs of nothing,
And nothing means no one who cares.
But I love him dear,
And I love him dear,
And I've loved him hundreds of thousands of years.
Stay.

That song, courtesy of my Faebala, is Stay by Belly. It's beautiful. It is the quintessential old soul song. It makes my bones feel.

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

One of my favourite songs of all time, Samson by Regina Spektor. Regina Spektor is a master of the old soul songs. All of her songs a rife with historical references, especially my favourite kind - greek mythology (she has a song called Oedipus!).

Take stock in a master plan
Place bets on an empty hand
Empire has a leg to stand
Holy roman style
A poison from a holy grail
Blind faith doesn't make a sale
Landmines on a righteous trail
March rank and file

Holy Roman, by the Get Up Kids. One of my favourite Get Up Kids songs.

Remember how it all began
The apple and the fall of man
The price we paid
So the people say
Down a path of shame it lead us
Dared to bite the hand that fed us
The fairy tale
The moral end
The wheel of fortune
Never turns again

Thick as Thieves by Natalie Merchant is probably one of my favourite songs by her, but Ophelia is another great example.

I met you before the fall of Rome
And I begged you to let me take you home
You were wrong, I was right
You said goodbye, I said goodnight
It's all been done

And to sum it up, It's All Been Done by the Barenaked Ladies. There are a hundred more I could quote, but I think you've got the point. I have no idea why I feel this way. It could be my love for history. It could be that at heart I'm a hopeless romantic who believes in the notion of the Origin of Love and that we have soulmates, stretching past through time. Maybe it's just that all of these songs are beautiful.

Soon, I'll tell you about my similar love for Leaving Songs.

*Yes, that's a reference to Bright Eyes

Who says you can't go home?

2009-03-30T08:56:00.006-04:00

For the past week and a half, my parents have been in Hilton Head, North Carolina with my grandparents. I've been staying at my parents house to take care of la minou - my kitten. She's not really a kitten. She's actually 17, and very senile. She can't hear much anymore, she'll stand in the middle of the hallway and miaoul loudly.... I have no idea what she wants. And then she gets lost. She goes somewhere to sleep (the basement, my old room, a closet) and then since she can't hear me when I call, I won't be able to find her for the whole day. It's very worrying. She's very old.

I've really enjoyed my time at my parent's place (soon to be my place again, for the summer). I love having the car (though I'm running out of gas money fast). But above all, I love living alone. I love being able to walk around without clothes. Or being able to sing to myself loudly.

It gets a little lonely, though. Without my kitten I think I'd go insane. I love living with my roommates too, don't get me wrong. And I'm excited for our last drunken/exam (yes, those two things go together) month together. But I can't be naked, and that's key.

I think that my parents house will always be home, the place I leave behind as I explore the world. It'll be a while until I find another place to truly call home, I think.

That being said, I spent an hour this morning cleaning up the house because my parents will be home before I get back from class today. Note to self: a whole chick pea salad is too much for one person and it really should be thrown out/finished within a couple of days of making it.

Omelette fail

2009-03-29T00:47:00.005-04:00

I'm a new convert to the ways of eggs. Mostly because of my severe lack of protein in my diet (since I generally don't like meat... except fried chicken) but also because about two years ago I discovered that eggs weren't just those runny things I dragged toast through when I was little. They were actually good, in scrambled form and omelette form! Since this wonderful discovery (I actually remember when it was - I went out for breakfast with Kristen the day before I left for Ireland and ordered an egg wrap thing) I have been an egg keener. I almost always order omelettes for breakfast out. I make myself scrambled eggs for dinner.

I have only made two attempts at making my own omelettes. The last was under Kristen's supervision last Saturday morning - they turned out surprisingly well. Tonight I decided I'd try again.

Needless to say, I failed at the most important part of omelette making - the part where you flip it over. You'd think since I'm a master at making crepes, this would be easy. But alas.

So, I let the thing cook in shambles and topped it with lots of cheese... and pretended that I had intended to make scrambled eggs, not an omelette.

Sometimes I'm straight...

2009-03-28T12:53:00.005-04:00

Saturday's a good day for shameless vanity. As you probably know, I love my hair. Some of you may even know that the first thing that I'm attracted to on a guy is good hair.

But did you know I have a theory about my hair?

I am a curly haired person. I have a curly haired person's personality. I have embraced it, and me and the curls have come to an agreement... in which I agree to spend lots of money on them, and they agree to curl in some degree of style so that I don't have permanent bad hair days.

When I was in high school, my friend Lindz used to call my straightened hair (on the few occasions I had three hours to kill to get it that way) news anchor hair. I couldn't agree more. I always had an overwhelming desire to wear pastels when my hair was straight. See, you can tell my hair isn't supposed to be straight. I don't have a straight person's hair cut. My hair is really thick and has a lot more volume than the average actually straight hair.

All of this being said, about three or four times a year I straighten my hair. Out of boredom or curiosity or sometimes for a special occasion (even if the special occasion is that I want an excuse not to shower the next day and still have good hair.)

Last night, Kaitlyn came over before we went out to her brother's band's concert (WHICH WAS AWESOME!) and I told her to bring her straightener so she could do my hair. As you can see in the pictures I posted on that post, Kaitlyn's hair is naturally even curlier than mine. But she's been straightening her hair for years. So she has a heavy duty straightener and even my stubborn hair was no match for it.

I took a picture to commemorate the rare occasion of my having straight hair. I like it, but not as much as my curls. Also, I'm bored because Kristen and Taylor are making me wait around to go book shopping.

it's time

2009-03-27T17:45:00.005-04:00

I can hear ticking clocks running rampant in me
chiming in an apogee waiting for the synergy
of her and me, waiting on the light
and I never say goodnight, never say that I'm always right

~Wait - Something Corporate

It's weird to think that the seemingly mundane sound of a clock ticking is foreign to me. But the truth is that I don't even really know how to tell time on a clock face. When I was ten, I got a digital watch for my birthday and I never looked back. No one has a watch anymore, everyone checks the time on their cell phone or iPods. We're moving away from the steady click of time. The sundial was invented by the Egyptians as early as 1500 BCE. However, time wasn't standardized until after the invention of the railroad, when more precise times were required. Just over a hundred years since then, we've forgotten clocks.

Today, I have time ticking around my neck. The steady rhythm, counting out the moments of the present, sending them reeling into the past. Sending me reeling towards my future. You could see it as a noose, tying me to measurable time. But today, with the sun shining and the air full of spring, I choose to see it as a heartbeat, ticking the words of my future one by one.

Time goes by from year to year
And no one asks why I am standing here
But I have my answer as I look to the sky
This is the time of no reply.

~Time of No Reply - Nick Drake

Newcastle-upon-Tyne

2009-03-27T00:18:00.005-04:00

The first tentative decision has been reached. I have decided (I think) to do my graduate degree at Newcastle University in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in England. I will be getting an MA in Greek and Roman Archaeology. The program lets me do Heritage/Collections Management along with more traditional archaeological methods courses. I'll also be going to both Rome and Athens during the year. Newcastle-upon-Tyne (one of two English Newcastle's, the other is Newcastle-under-Lyme) is pretty close to Hadrian's Wall, so apparently we'll be studying Roman archaeology there too.

Newcastle itself is a smaller city in the North East, about 2.5 hours from Edinburgh and 5 hours from London. It's surrounded by beautiful English countryside, it's said. It's a shipping town, but because of the university has a student population too. Newcastle University is apparently a "Russell Group" school, which is England's equivalent to Ivy League. Which sounds pretty awesome to me. I guess I always figured if I was doing a classic's degree anywhere but Oxford or Cambridge I was a step down from the best anyway. Apparently not so!

I was conflicted, trying to decide between Newcastle, Edinburgh and Leicester. I wrote a pro/con list last night with the help of Kristen, Chris and Taylor. We decided the only real reason I wanted to go to the University of Edinburgh was because I loved the city, not the program. And I decided on my own that the only reason I wanted to go to Leicester was because it was so close to London. But, in the end, I think I'll really like Newcastle. After all, I hated Dublin and adored Galway - so maybe I'm a small to medium sized town person.

But as Chris said last night- no matter where I end up it's going to be amazing. I'm going to be in England, doing my master's. Doing a respected master's program in a field I actually love (as opposed to my Bachelor of Journalism which I've hated since day one).

This isn't the final decision. I'm not ready to press any buttons or make it official. But I think this is it. And I'm really excited. I called Fae to tell her - she needed to be the first person I told, officially. England.. England is ours. It was our dream. And someday, maybe we'll be there together. But this is just the beginning.

If I could wish for anything in my life I hope that it never stops being full of firsts.

Legendary.

2009-03-26T23:08:00.003-04:00

My sister sent me this link to cheer me up after my exam yesterday. I just got around to watching it and I knew I had to share. Enjoy!

The sound of heaven shaking...

2009-03-26T06:54:00.003-04:00

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning - not because it's so early, but because it was raining. I love lying in bed when it's raining outside. Not in a "I don't want to go out" way, but in a listening to the soothing rhythm of the rain drops and remembering way.

When I lived in Ireland, it rained almost everyday. I used to lie in bed far too late in the mornings, listening to the rain against the huge window over my bed. I was only there four months, and I only had one suitcase. Ireland didn't always feel like home. But it did when it rained. I love rain. Those days rainy days you're always saving for.

And it was raining cats and dogs out side of her window
And she knew they were destined to become
Sacred road kill on the way
And she was listening to the sound of heavens shaking
Thinking about puddles, puddles and mistakes...

Grad school, pt. V

2009-03-23T21:52:00.003-04:00

Today I got old fashioned mail - a nice big acceptance package from the University of Leicester for an MA in Classical Mediterranean. They were the only school left that I hadn't heard from, and possibly my first choice. So, that makes five schools and six programs. Leicester is about 45 minutes from London, and the program is sort of an interesting interdisciplinary type program complete with a study tour of the Mediterranean in second semester.

So now I really have to decide between all these places. I foresee a giant pro con list in the future. It's hard to believe that this is all happening.

Historically funny

2009-03-22T01:07:00.005-04:00

As you probably know, I love cheesy history jokes. I was looking through some old files today, because once again I'm hugely procrastinating an essay. And I found my summative from Gr. 11 Ancient Civilizations, about the First Crusade. And I have to say, it's still hilarious. We had to make a newspaper about an event in history. My favourite part was the ads. I thought I'd share a couple. I hope they make you laugh too!

my summer of amazing luck

2009-03-21T19:16:00.003-04:00

I really loved A Complicated Kindness, and Miriam Toews is one of Kristen's favourite authors. So, the other day when I was trying to decide which book to read next, Kristen suggested My Summer of Amazing Luck. I wasn't sure I was in the mood for it (I had already spent over half an hour looking at all of Taylor's, Kristen's and my books and hadn't been into anything) but Kristen suggested I read the first page and see. I started reading standing up, and by the end of the page I was in bed, ready to start the book.

I really enjoyed it, possibly more than A Complicated Kindness. I think A Complicated Kindness had more great one liners, but My Summer of Amazing Luck has a far better plot. This book is basically a litany of tragic lives, somehow presented in a good light. The narrator moves into a housing project, and most of the books ends up being the sad life stories of everyone who lives there. But it's not what you expect, because it's not so much tragic as inspirational. The characters in the book are great. I guess the book's sort of about the shitty things that happen in life, but that there's still happiness and hope, in small things. It's about being poor and being a mother and being in and out of love and knowing full well that all men are useless.

"Do what makes you happy because there is no sure thing. Just because you can pick out four-leaf clovers doesn't mean you'll get lucky."

"The first part of the song is so beautiful because the second part is so sad. We can't have one without the other. It doesn't turn out like we thought. But still it's a beautiful song."

It was a really great book - Miriam Toews has such a different, engaging style of writing.

Two decades

2009-03-19T15:24:00.005-04:00

Today is my friend Kaitlyn's birthday. Kaitlyn and I have known each other since we were two years old. We always use her birthday to measure the years of our friendship, and we always count in decades.

This year, it's officially been two decades. Kaitlyn is like a sister to me, we know exactly how to piss each other off and how to make each other laugh.

Happy Birthday, Kiwi. Love, Head.

Here comes the sun...

2009-03-18T17:10:00.002-04:00

Winter depresses me. I am not a winter person, and never will be. I hardly ever get to enjoy all of the activities that make winter worthwhile (which in my mind is just skiing) and mostly I just suffer through the miserable cold and grey skies.

By February every year I start to get very depressed by it all. I actually get upset and angry that it's still so cold and snowy. By March, I'm ready to pick up and leave Canada forever. That's why, the day that it finally smells and feels like spring, I'm ecstatic. And summer, well that's even better.

Today is that day. Today is a day where I walked as slow as possible so I could stay outside longer, where I decided to walk to the grocery store instead of busing. Today is a day that only the Beatles can truly capture.

Here comes the sun, little darling. Here comes the sun. And I say, it's all right....

Grad school, pt. IV

2009-03-17T13:09:00.005-04:00

Today I got a very strange e-mail. It was from one of the Professors at the University of London: King's College saying that he was recommending that the school make me a conditional offer. This, he said, was based on the fact that he had been interested in what I wrote on my statement of interest in regards to my proposed field of research. He then went on to talk about heroic bone transfer (what I had talked about) for a few paragraphs, and to suggest the classes I should take should I decide to do my Master's there. It was an e-mail specifically to me, about me....

Essentially, it's an offer from the University of London. Which, to be honest, wasn't one of my top choices because it's so expensive. But it made it seem like they were personally interested in me and my research. This could very likely be a tactic to get me to accept and pay them a lot of money.. but it's a tactic that certainly works.

I only have a couple of weeks to decide which school to choose.... I hate making decisions, but making THIS decision is way better than trying to decide what to do next year if I didn't get in anywhere.

Pickled Peckers

2009-03-16T21:09:00.003-04:00

So, when Fae and I were googling that famous Peter Piper tongue twister, we discovered this:
This? Not big enough to be a tongue twister. Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peckers! Hahaha. Enjoy.

Beware the Ides of March!

2009-03-15T11:37:00.002-04:00

The Ides of March - holiday of backstabbers!

"Confronted by a ring of drawn daggers, he drew the top of his gown over his face, and at the same time ungirded the lower part, letting it falls to his feet so that he would die with both legs decently covered. Twenty-three dagger thrusts went home as he stood there. Caesar did not utter a sound after Casca's blow had drawn a groan from him; though some say that when he saw Marcus Brutus about to deliver the second blow, he reproached him in Greek with: 'You, too, my child?'" - Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars, Julius Caesar 82.

One of the most famous stories in history. Julius Caesar, tyrant or saviour of Rome, depending on how you look at it, is struck down in the Roman Senate. Although, the real Senate House (Curia) was under construction at the time, with one of Caesar's beautification projects. So he wasn't struck down in the official Senate building. The best part of the story, though, is the famous line "Et tu, Brute?" from Shakespeare. Caesar is willing to die without complaint, but the one blow he can't take is that Brutus, who he thought of as a son, has betrayed him.

I'll act on my love like Pontius Pilate
I'll give you my love like I was Brutus
I'll radiate love like Three Mile Island
I'll prove you my love like I was Judas
-ThouShaltNot

That red-headed girl.

2009-03-13T22:34:00.003-04:00

For the first 20 years of my life, I HATED my hair. It was the bane of my (and my mom's) existence. I would have given anything for straight hair. For hair that wasn't so thick. For something other than what I had - which was, in chronological order: a Beatle's bowl cut, a boy hair cut, the "lion head" fro, a perma-ponytail, kool aid hair, bright purple hair, dead burgundy hair.

But now... I love my hair. It's my favourite thing about me. It's certainly the thing I spend the most money on. Now, when I straighten my hair it just doesn't look like me. I do it about once every three or four months for the shock value - but I feel like a different person. I feel like my hair really reflects my personality.

I've been going to the same hairdresser for over 6 years. She's a genius. I trust her completely, and I know she'd never let me leave with bad hair. She' so busy that I have to make my appointments over three months in advance, but that just means I have to be organized.

It's worth every cent.

Coming and Going

2009-03-09T23:04:00.003-04:00

"I think if we ever wrote a book about us - it would be called Coming and Going. Because that's what our memories are always full of." - Fae

Running to meet her at the Dublin airport - my iPod and headphones hit the floor with a crash and everyone around us winces. But all I can think of is how long the summer's been and how everything makes so much more sense when she's here.

Sitting in a train station in Pennsylvania, we're sharing a headset and listening to Konstantine on repeat. It's not hard to dream, you'll always be my Konstantine. The song is nine minutes. How many times could we listen to it before we had to part ways again, for another half a year?

Got lost in the Pittsburgh airport, by the time I find her I'm almost crying. But she's there, and it's almost her birthday. One weekend isn't long enough, but it'll have to do.

Bleary-eyed, it's just after 5am and we're at the Ottawa Airport. It's too cold, too early. And too soon.

It's 2am and we're driving around Pittsburgh. We've been through the Fort Pitt tunnel three times. We feel infinite. We don't want the night to end, because when we wake up the next day it'll all be over again.

Sometimes people ask me how you can be best friends with someone you only see twice a year. All I can say is, when it comes to Fae, my other half, how can I not?

Amin mela lle, vanima Faebala.

Handle with Care

2009-03-07T15:28:00.005-05:00

There are a few reasons not to read more than one Jodi Picoult book in a row.
1) They're a little predictable, especially when you remember the last one you read very clearly.
2) A lot of the characters are the same (in some cases, actually the same, but in most just remarkably similar)
3) They're emotional roller coasters and too much can upset you.

I'm mostly dealing with the latter right now. Handle with Care just came out on Tuesday, and I just finished it like ten minutes ago. It was good. Sort of a combination of different parts from My Sister's Keeper, the Tenth Circle and the Pact.

It's about a little girl with a disease that makes her bones really weak and she breaks them all the time. Her mother ends up filing a wrongful birth lawsuit against her ob/gyn (also her best friend...) to get enough money to pay for the things her daughter will need later in life. But it sort of just ruins all the good parts of the life they already had - the parts that money can't fix.

When The Tenth Circle came out a couple of years ago, I read it right away too. It's the only Jodi Picoult book I have ever not liked. Why? Probably because the issue she focused on in this one was one I actually knew something about - cutting.

I was - am - a cutter. It's a little like being an alcoholic I think. You're still an alcoholic if you don't drink. You're still a cutter if you don't cut, because you still think about it all the time. You still think you need it, despite having overcome it, mostly. It's taken me a long time to be able to talk about it - and indeed this is the first time I've talked about it in such a public place. But it's a really important issue, I think, and a really big part of who I am today. I have at least three friends who have cut and I have read so many articles about how it's a growing "trend" among teenagers today.

In The Tenth Circle, I just kept thinking that Picoult didn't get it. She didn't get why people cut, what it was like... any of it. And I thought it was so superficial. To the point where I wondered if that's how people who knew about the issues in her other books felt. Do domestic violence victims dislike Picture Perfect? Do victims of school violence hate Nineteen Minutes? Do people who have been molested think that Perfect Match has it wrong?

With Handle with Care, I've started to believe that isn't true. Because in this book, Picoult got it right. She missed the mark by a mile in Tenth Circle, but her description of cutting in Handle with Care was so true that it made my skin crawl, filled my eyes with tears.

"They weren't on my wrists, don't think I was trying to kill myself. I just wanted to hurt, and understand exactly why I was hurting. This made sense: you cut, you felt pain, period. I could feel everything building up inside of me like steam heat, and I was just turning a valve. It made me think of my mother, when she made pie crusts. She'd prick little holes aal over the place. So it can breathe, she said."

"People always want to know what it feels like, so I'll tell you: there's a sting when you first slice, and then yor heart speeds up when you see blood, because you know you've done something you shouldn't have, and yet you've gotten away with it..... You literally make yourself sick, becase you promised yourself last time would be the last time, and once again you've let yourself down. So you hide the evidence of your weakness under layers of clothes long enogh to cover the cts, even if it's summertime and no one is wearing jeans or sleeves."

Though the rest of the book was good, for me this sub plot was the best part. It redeemed Jodi Picoult in my eyes. For though I had remained a devout reader after Tenth Circle, everytime I thought of that book it made me mad. Now I'm considering that Picoult did her research just as well as the rest of her books - but that Trixie in Tenth Circle really did cut for a different reason than me or my friends. It doesn't make me like the book anymore, but it gets rid of the hatred.

I know this is a depressing post, but I don't intend it that way. It's a problem that millions of people face, and I'm lucky because it was never too serious and I had a really great support system to help me through it. If only it could be that way for everyone. If only it wasn't such a dangeorus "fad" now.

So, there you go. A piece of me, tightly entwined with a piece of the book.

Second Glance

2009-03-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I finished reading Second Glance by Jodi Picoult. It had been a long time since I read a Picoult book, but I've read almost all of her book over the last four years.

There isn't much to say about the book itself. It was good, as most of her books are (except The Tenth Circle). I really enjoy reading them because while they're easy to read and dramatic, they're still very well written for "chick lit." I have a hard time classifying them as chick lit, because to me chick lit's always been like Shopaholic or Devil Wears Prada sort of books. Picoult is more of a... Chick Fic? Haha. I don't know.

When I'm right in the middle of a semester, I can't read really complicated books because I have too much homework and other shit going on, so I often end up reading Picoult or Nora Roberts or something similarly entertaining. The only problem with Jodi Picoult books is that I get very involved in them, and if I have sometihng else going on it can be difficult to stop reading.

Second Glance itself is about ghosts and ghost hunting. Until this year, I had never really thought about ghosts and whether or not I believed in them. When I started working at Pinhey's, I had people asking me all the time about ghost stories from the house. I even have a couple of my own stories, though they're better as stories than as proof. When I worked at Billings in October, we did ghost hunting. All of this, and books like Second Glance, have made me start thinking about whether I believe in ghosts or not. But I'm still completely undecided and I find that I can believe in them, in the right situation, but that they don't necessarily scare me. I think the reason I can't decide is because I have no definite opinion of what happens when you die - Heaven, reincarnation, whatever. And I think I'd need to decide what I think about that before I can decide whether some people stick around or not.

The book wasn't really quoteworthy but it was definitely a good read!

Grad school, pt. III

2009-03-05T12:25:00.003-05:00

Today I got an acceptance to two programs at the University of Edinburgh, MSc in Classical Art and Archaeology and MSc in Mediterranean Archaeology.

I adore Edinburgh. Lain and I went to visit for the weekend when we were in Ireland. It's such a gorgeous city. And the University of Edinburgh is one of Europe's oldest and most prestigious universities.

This is a photo I took when we visited the University (notice the wonder that is my wide angle lens).

Now I have three different universities and four different programs to decide between. And I have to decide soon. I can see myself being happy at any of the three places, but I know for a fact that I love Edinburgh - and the city I'm about to move to is really important for me.

Chapter One

2009-03-04T23:02:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about stories and beginnings.

You know how movies and books always open on that moment where a person's life changes? On that fateful situation that leads them to love or loss or whatever is going to be interesting enough to write 300 pages about?

I've been waiting almost 22 years for the first chapter of my story. Everything that's happened so far has just been background.

Sometimes I think I'm just dreaming to hope for that defining moment. But I have to believe that there's going to be something more to my life.

I don't know when my story's going to begin, but I hope it's soon. I don't know how the story is going to unfold, but I really hope it's some variation on happily ever after.

My sister is about 9ft tall....

2009-03-02T11:25:00.003-05:00

My sister, Laura, has been stilting for over two years. She's super buff and can do some pretty amazing things on her stilts. She recently got arm stilts too, but I haven't seen them yet. Every summer they perform a show at Fringe and other various occasions. I love watching her. I also love when people ask me about what my sister does and I tell them she stilts. How many people can say that?

When I move to the UK in September, Laura will be moving to NYC to train with an acrobatic group there. I really admire Laura for finding something she really loves and not being afraid to follow it.

Photo by Michael Montgomery

Fancy!

2009-03-01T23:04:00.001-05:00

This is awesome. Courtesy of Lindz.

Grad school, pt. II

2009-02-26T15:01:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I received my acceptance offer for an MA in Greek and Roman Archaeology at Newcastle University.

Newcastle University is in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England. Yeah, I didn't know where that was either. Apparently, northeast. Now that I have two acceptances, and I know I'm going somewhere next year... I have to actually start thinking about it and the decisions I'll have to make.

Not only is there money, choosing a program and finding a place to figure out. But this means that I am actually, honestly, definitely moving to the UK next year. There's a lot to think about. I'm going to miss being at least in the same time zone as Fae. I'm going to miss living here, miss Wednesday nights with Kristen, Taylor and Chris. I'm going to miss my high school girlies, most who I've known longer than time. I'm going to miss my parents. I'm going to miss my grandparents. My sister. My cat. Plus, starting in a new country where you know no one is always really hard, plus I'll be doing a completely new program at the same time, and living in a whole new city. And there's the added factor that I'm essentially a very anti social person who has to force myself to interact with people.

But on the other hand, I won't have to suffer through another horrible Canadian winter. Even rain has to be better than this. Plus, a new program! A new city! I'll be in Europe, I can travel. I'll finally be able to devote myself fully to what I love. I'll get a new start.

I'm also so tired of Ottawa. There wouldn't be much here for me next year if I stayed anyway. Everyone, every thing is slowly moving on. So I might as well get a running start, right?

I'm excited, and terrified.

Grad school, pt. I

2009-02-23T14:23:00.003-05:00

Today I got my first acceptance into grad school. It's for an MLitt in Classical Archaeology and Ancient History at the University of Glasgow.

It's such a relief to know that, no matter what, I have something to do next year. I was beginning to get anxious. I like to have plans. Which isn't to say my plans can't change, but I like to have my life tentatively sorted out in my head.

Now I just need to find the money to go!

Chaos Theory

2009-02-21T01:13:00.004-05:00

As everyone knows, I have absolutely no taste in movies. This isn't to say that I can't recognize a good movie when I see it, this just means that I am perfectly able to enjoy a movie when I recognize that it isn't good.

I'm back at my parents house this week for Reading Week, which means I have TMN and TMNonDemand. I was browsing through the movies and I found Chaos Theory. I decided to give it a try, because I really do love Ryan Reynolds, especially since Definitely, Maybe.
Chaos Theory was such a good movie. It had the right amount of thought balanced with plot, and the characters were completely compelling. Emily Mortimer was in it, too, and I really like her. Ryan Reynolds, for the first and last bit of the movie, was supposed to be about 45, and I honestly believed it! Although, I thought he was Hugh Laurie at first, which is very entertaining. The rest of the time, he reminded me a little of Jim Carrey in the Number 23. But less neurotic. Sort of.

The movie is about a man who obsessively controls his life using lists and precise organization. He even wrote a book and does a lecture series about time management. And then, after one weird night, his whole structured life falls apart and he decides to never make any decisions ever again. And so while technically the movie is about life and choices - it's mostly about love. And it made me cry. I really enjoyed it.

I also really enjoy Ryan Reynolds with a beard. See above.

sometimes you just need to keep driving

2009-02-17T19:32:00.001-05:00

It's snowing on the west side
Let me take you for a ride
I'll be Bonnie and you'll be Clyde
See if we can get ourselves killed
Before we die

And we will drive like bandits
On the Queensway
We'll hold hands like in the movies
I'll say 'oh Clyde you drive me crazy
And you'll just capture me like it was
Armed robbery.

Sing the Four Quarters

2009-02-17T11:27:00.002-05:00

So, at heart I'm a huge fantasy geek. I used to read all fantasy, all the time, when I was teenager. I haven't read a pure fantasy novel in a really long time, so I really enjoyed getting back into the very predictable genre again.

The Tanya Huff books, though I have never read them before, are actually what drew me to fantasy. When I was about 11, I was wandering around the bookstore and I saw the Tanya Huff books and really loved the covers. I took one to my mom and said "I want to read this!" and she told me it was too old for me, so we went into the Kids section, and found another fantasy book. Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce. Which led not only to my obsession with fantasy, but also to my friendship with Fae, Lea, Ali and Kitty.

Given all this, I figured it was time for me to actually read a Tanya Huff book. As far as fantasy books go, it was pretty typical. It included the perfect characters, the fair government, magic, and more than the occasional typo. But how can I complain about a book with magic, a sexually open and promiscuous society and ridiculous attractive characters whose names I can't pronounce?

Thoroughly enjoyed.

Tea at the Estate

2009-02-14T17:05:00.006-05:00

My life, recently, has been a whirl of baking and sandwhiching in preparation for our Valentine's Tea today at work. During the summer they do tea on the lawn at the Billings Estate National Historic Site four days a week. In the rest of the year, we only have tea on special occasions. We did one at Christmas, and one today. This is what my life looks like:

Picture this times 125. Sugar cookies and pink icing.
Cut up 10 cucumbers. Made GIANT vat of egg salad (ew).

And the best part...

Heart shaped strawberry scones, which were actually described by a visitor today as "the best scones they'd ever tasted."

Yup. I am a scone master. But above all, today reminded me that I really do love my job.

Six Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak

2009-02-11T10:58:00.004-05:00

I bought myself a Valentine's Day present yesterday. Six Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak is the new release from the people of Smith Magazine, who did Not Quite What I Was P anning and have an awesome website you can post your own six word memoirs.l

I love these. I love the idea of telling a story in a limited number of words, the same way I lov the idea of trying to tell it in one sentence. Because if journalism has taught me anything, which I'm sure it has despite our mutual hatred, it's that people use too many words. It comes to be that we waste words, that they don't mean anything anymore because we're always saying things. Things we don't mean. Things we don't need. Words are cheap. And when you only have six of them, well, you agonize over the meaning and validity for every single letter in the sentence. And the result means more than 600 words you wrote for the sake of it.

Some of the best:

"A kiss can write a secret."
"It never hurt as good again."
"Maybe some pots have no lids."
"Don't worry, I'll make myself come."
"I loved the idea of you."
"Will always follow you. On Twitter."
"Romance remembered often better than experienced."
"Leap of faith. Shit, no parachute."
"You were my Little Red-Haired Girl.""
"Shh. You won't feel a thing."
"May I have the last dance?"

And mine?

Never loved, doesn't mean I can't.

A Long Way Down

2009-02-10T22:38:00.002-05:00

I've heard a lot about Nick Hornby, but this is the first book of his that I've read. At first, I really liked the style, and the plot was what drew me to it originally. It's about our people who meet on the top of a high rise in London on New Years Eve, all planning to jump. The concept is very interesting. I loved the first few chapters. The characters are interesting - you sort of love to hate them. In a lot of ways you understand why they'd want to jump (because they're either pathetic or annoying). But the whole middle of the book really dragged. I just didn't understand why it kept saying the same things over and over. It picked up again in the end, though, and I'd say it was generally worth reading, if only for the style.

Quotes, as per usual:

"Surely the coroner's report should read, 'He took his own life after sober and careful contemplation of the fucking shambles it had become.'"

"The truth was that I didn't feel like a dying man; I felt like a man who every now and again wanted to die, and there's a difference."

"We started with Virginia Woolf, and I only read like two pages of this book about a lighthouse, but I read enough to know why she killed herself: She killed herself because she couldn't make herself understood. You only have to read one sentence to see that."

"You know that things aren't going well for you when you can't even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they'll presume you're asking them to feel sorry for you. I suppose it's why you feel so far away from everyone, in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible."

"I wanted to kill myself, not because I hated living, but because I loved it. And the truth of the matter is, I think, that a lot of people who think about killing themselves feel the same way... They love life, but it's all fucked up for them."

The Grocery Line

2009-02-09T08:51:00.003-05:00

I want to share with you all one the millions of reasons I love my Faebala. She wrote this for me last night:

Mango No. 5
By Fae

To break this artichoke's heart
has sent me into a fit of sage.
As you kicked me to the carb,
you set this clockwork orange off
like a ticking thyme bomb-o.
So you can keep your Vitamin C:
I'll take the bread and mustache combo.

Doesn't make sense to you? That's okay. No one really gets it but us, and we're ridiculously amused by ourselves. This is from a series of poems, lovingly called The Grocery Line, written by both of us, usually to make the other laugh on a bad day.

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-02-08T22:21:00.002-05:00

My review of He's Just Not That Into You, which I saw with Kaitlyn today, for the Charlatan. It should appear in the Features section on Thursday, though most likely in a better form as the Features editor will fix it up nicely!

Can six simple words change your life, and your friend’s lives, forever? According to He’s Just Not That Into You, yes, they can. Based on the book by the same title, this movie puts the theories behind the bestselling self help book to work on a bunch of unsuspecting fictional characters. The rules?

1)No man wants to get married. And the ones who cave are all just thinking about all the women they won’t get to sleep with now. Except the guy who really wants to get married, and the guy who doesn’t believe in marriage. Oh, and the other guy who thinks he doesn’t want to get married. Right, so it’s just the guy who’s unhappily married, then?
2)Women over analyze relationships. Not a new concept. The movie assumes that women sit around talking about their relationships when they should be working, that we script phone messages before we leave them and that we see life altering meaning in small signs. This is all baffling to men, because men simply just make a relationship happen if they’re into a girl. For Gigi, the main character, this epiphany leads her to stop obsessing about break ups. For me, this just seemed stereotypical.
3)You need to ask for what you want from a relationship. Finally, a worthwhile idea. Yes, you can demand to be treated the way you want to and stand up for what’s important to you! I can feel the self helping effects already!
4)Ultimately, all of the rules and exceptions are wrong and it’s about love. Yup. Whether you’re a hopeless romantic, unhappily married, eternally single or just plain tired of being strung around by someone whose just not that into you, as long as you keep believing in love, it’s all worth it in the end.

This movie has all the typical pieces of a romantic comedy, from the hilarious dating mishaps to the final “aww” moments. A movie about guys not being into Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly and Drew Barrymore (of course everyone’s into Scarlett Johansson) is obviously purely fictional. So, watch it as it is, another romantic comedy fairy tale, and try not to take it as self help. It’s good date movie, but maybe awkward for a first date, especially if he’s looking for a way to tell you he’s just not that into you.

Phaëton

2009-02-04T22:49:00.004-05:00

In class today we were reading parts of Seneca's Medea, and the prof started talking about decedents of the sun. And none of us could remember Phaëton's name. I was severely disappointed in myself, and decided I needed to brush up on my knowledge of obscure names from mythology. Which led me to thinking that you all need to brush up on your knowledge of Greek mythology! Which undoubtedly led me to a promise to myself to post something mythology related once a week.

Phaëton is the son of Helios¹, the god of the sun, and Clymene. In Ovid, Phaëton likes to brag about this, and is taunted by Epaphus, son of Zeus and Io. Phaëton begs his mother to give him "some token that that parentage was true."² Eventually, Clymene tells him how to get to the place where Helios begins his journey each day.³ When he arrives, Helios confirms that he's Phaëton's father, and swears on the river Styx⁴ that he will give him anything he wants to prove this is the truth. Phaëton decides that he wishes to ride his father's chariot. Helios protests that only he, not even Zeus himself, can control the horses, and Phaëton is a mere mortal. But his is bound by his oath and cannot disuade his son. Needless to say, as he mounts the chariot and attempts to drive off, he is in over his head. "Phaëton, dazed with fear, could neither use the reins nor find the road, nor were it found could make the team obey."⁵ He ends up losing control and flying so close to the earth that he sets it on fire. Zeus, then, is forced to knock him out of the chariot, and to his death, with a lightning bolt.

"Here Phaëton lies, his father's charioteer; Great was his fall, yet he did greatly dare."

There is a tradition with the sun causing great catastrophe in Greek mythology. Phaëton. Icarus. Clytie. The sun, it seems, is this great untainable power. And those who are foolish and arrogant enough to try to reach that high, inevitably fall as far.

¹ Also known as Phoebus, often associated with Apollo. Apollo Phoebus is Apollo of the sun, thus making Helios sort of obsolete. The Greek gods often fail to have definitive roles.
² Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book I.
³ India. It's the eastern most part of the known world during that time.
⁴ The only oath that can bind a God.
⁵ Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book II

Analytics

2009-02-03T12:15:00.003-05:00

I have a site tracker on my blog, from Google Analytics. It's hidden in the code, so you can't see it but I can find out how many people see my blog each day¹, how people find my blog, my most popular posts, what they look at while they're on there², what part of the world people come from³, even ISPs. It's quite awesome, I waste an infinite amount of time on it.

So, a sign that people facebook stalk? I posted my blog address in my facebook status on Sunday night, after I changed my layout. And my visitation went up by 83% in two days. That's awesome! Who knew so many people stalked me on Facebook?

I also find it very interesting to see what people google to find me. Recently, I've had a couple of hits for "a complicated kindness." Other book reviews like "Not Quite What I was Planning" and various Jeanette Winterson books have gotten some hits too. I've had a lot of traffic from people searching "adam bly." Another big one is song lyrics, such as "leave me your stardust to remember you by" and "lets see how fast this thing can go." The creepiest ones are people searching "heather montgomery blog" and randomly someone searching "I got this from someone on Facebook... and I thought I wasn't going to do it, but I've decided to give it a try. I'm going to read 50 books in a year! Do it with me!" Which is odd. My favourite searches though are "flood myth" and "phaedra/roman" because I really like my random historical posts. Oh, and "Stephen Harper Spongebob" because it still amuses me to no end, though I can't take credit for the theory.

For your entertainment, if you're looking for something to procrastinate with like me, instead of writing essays or studying for midterms, here are my top five most read posts.
1. Google goggles
When you post about something in one of Google's blogs, it automatically links to you. With this post, I surprisingly got over 100 unique hits in one day. It's my record. 190 views total.
2. Not Quite What I Was Planning
My "review" of the book. Apparently it can be found by googling the title! 106 views total.
3. Just Leave Me Your Stardust to Remember You By
A sad post with lyrics by Gregory and the Hawk. I assume it was the lyrics that got the hits, but I do like this post. It sums up what I feel quite nicely. 58 views total.
4. Flood Myth
As I started to write my book (still stalled in progress) I wrote about the nature of flood myths. I love mythology in all forms, and I'm so happy people have actually read this! 47 views total.
5. Journalism as Activism
When my Science Reporting j-school class saw Adam Bly speak, I talked about the nature of journalism and my disenchantment with the profession after going through four years of training for it. Also, comes up (waaaay down in the list) when you google Adam Bly, and I bet his PR people google him constantly. 38 views total.

In two weeks, it will be the one year anniversary of my blog, which Fae and I both decided to start the last time I visited her, and I have to say that I'm really enjoying it. It's definitely an outlet for me, it gives me a chance to write more often, even if it's about trivial things. For me, it's never mattered whether someone reads it or not. It's therapy.

¹Average about 10 each day, 15 or more on days that I post something.
² That's right, if you search your name on my blog, I know about it!
³Everywhere! India, Australia, Iran... it's quite amazing!

Hit me baby one more time

2009-02-02T00:00:00.004-05:00

We had the best night on Friday. We went to the Dance Mix 95 party at the Cabin. The Cabin is NOT a place I would normally go¹ but this was a ticketed special event. The theme was obviously the 90s, and we put a lot of thought into our costumes. We bought white tshirts and tie-dyed them on Wednesday night. I bought magenta leg warmers, scrunchies and had my parents bring over my converses.

The night went really well. Needless to say we all got really drunk, as we have a tendency to do.² They played the best music. Britney.³ Spice Girls. Backstreet Boys. Cotton-eyed Joe. It was awesome. We danced all night. And I wasn't even too hungover for work the next day. Anyway. These pics are the result. I have such a good time going out with my girls!

¹ The only other time I've been was years ago. I was not impressed, the floors were sticky.
² Especially this month. Every single weekend.
³ From back when she was entertaining, if not good.

Ummm Chili...

2009-02-01T22:53:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I made a wonderful chili recipe from the cookbook my mommy bought me for my birthday. We ate it for two weeks, and it was awesome. Usually, when it's just Kristen and I, we have soup and grilled cheese. But last week we got to have chili instead! Then, on Friday I ate the last of it for lunch at work. So I decided I had to make more this weekend. Today, I made more.

This really is the best chili recipe. It doesn't have any meat, and it has chickpeas. It tastes even better after it's frozen. I love having something good to eat throughout the week. It's well worth the work on Sunday. This picture doesn't really do it justice (Kristen thinks it looks gross here) but it really is good!

Gnome you didn't!

2009-02-01T14:48:00.003-05:00

So, this is my new blog design. It took me three hours¹ of photoshop (that was the easy part) and coding (my god that sucked) to get it this way but I think it is beautiful and I love it muchly.

I do want to say, however, that blogger is not at all user friendly when it comes to redesigning your blog. I know enough about computers and coding that it should NOT have taken me that long.

The pictures are mine, from my various travels. The textures are taken from some free clipart sites.

¹I'm supposed to be working from home today, for the museum. Clearly, that isn't happening so much.

Swept away

2009-01-29T07:07:00.004-05:00

This is too much. I passed my breaking point more twelve hours ago.

I've lost control over my life.

I want this to be over. I don't see it ending well.

And I ask myself, why do I do this to myself? And why do I always think it can't get worse?

This morning I am taking two exams, worth 50% each, for a course I've written 4 essays for this month. This is on top of the six course overload I'm already doing at my REAL school this semester.

I honestly haven't been able to really breathe since August. I never thought I could be more stressed than the year I had three jobs, one of which was at 4am. Boy, was I wrong. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things, like the amount of shit I can handle and that the worse thing that could happen is an emotional break down. But no. The worse thing is being past the point of crying since September.

I guess I'll start to walk, it's only 1300 blocks

2009-01-27T23:23:00.005-05:00

For 50 days I have resisted publishing my annoyance at the current bus strike in Ottawa. Tonight, I will. Through this ingenious song by a local comedian.

I'm not interested in whether it's the union's fault or the city's. It just needs to end. It's ridiculous.

Google Desktop

2009-01-27T17:35:00.004-05:00

I've been meaning to look into GoogleDesktop for a while now, and today while I was reading the Gmail Blog¹, I found this: http://gmailblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/get-calendar-on-your-google-desktop.html which led me to installing GoogleDesktop. I usually like anything in the Google family² and this is no exception. I now have a calendar on my desktop, the weather, Twitter, and my RSS feed. The people at Google consistently amaze me, and I'm happy they are able to offer me my Gmail, iGoogle, GoogleDesktop, Google Analytics and more for free.

Also, footnotes are awesome.

¹ Because I am procrastinating studying for my Canadian history exams.
² Except Google Chrome, their web browser, but that's just because it needs more work.

Stuff that's cute!

2009-01-26T18:40:00.004-05:00

I think that I'm missing my kitty. Today, I'm dreaming about getting a kitten. And a puppy. I've always had a cat, and I get really lonely when there's not one living with me. Even if it's Socrates, who gets stuck on my wall in the middle of the night.

I think I've been spending too much time on cuteoverload.

In bed

2009-01-25T20:37:00.002-05:00

As much as I hate journalism, I have always found the academic study of media interesting. I wrote an essay in first year, for JOUR1000, about censorship in the Vietnam War, specifically the coverage of the My Lai massacre. Four years later, I am revisiting this topic for JOUR4000. My essay this year is about embedded journalism, and how exposing something like the My Lai massacre isn't possible in today's conflicts (specifically the Iraq War) because journalists are most often in bed with the military and heavily censored (whether imposed or self censored) because of it. But the reality of way wars are fought now means that it's even more dangerous than before for journalists to go without the protection of the military. But what price do you pay for the protection? Is the public interest served by embedded journalists?

Sometimes, journalism is interesting. Sadly, I have to finish this in the next 12 hours...

Blink, blink

2009-01-25T16:07:00.002-05:00

Sitting here watching the cursor blink on a Word document where I will eventually (before 8:30 tomorrow morning) write 2,000 words about embedded journalism and public interest.

I'm so ready to be done my undergrad. It feels like the last semester of high school all over again.

Also to do this week:
-Two exams
-Grad school applications
-Rewrite first Athabasca essay
-Death?

The History of Love

2009-01-21T11:23:00.002-05:00

You can't help but fall in love with this book. It's poetically beautiful. Krauss weaves the lives of several people together through different points of view , all of which revolve around one thing: The History of Love, a book written long ago. The book was given to Alma's mother by her now dead father, and she is now translating it into English on the request of a wealthy man, whose life is also connected to the book in a mysterious way. The origins of this book are a mystery, one that Alma is trying to solve in order to help her mother's grief. But what every character in this novel is really trying to find is the origin of love itself.

I can't say much more about it, other than it's beautiful.

Instead of folding down the corners of the pages I wanted to remember, like I normally do, I decided to put little sticky notes. Well, the book is now full of sticky notes, and these are some of my favourite lines:

"When I got older, I decided I wanted to be a real writer. I tried to write about real things. I wanted to describe the world, because to live in an undescribed world was too lonely."

"At times I believed that the last page of my book and the last page of my life were one and the same, that when my book ended I'd end, a great wind would sweep through my rooms carrying the pages awa, and when the air cleared of all those fluttering white sheets the room would be silent, the chair where I sat would be empty."

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."

"There were rumors that Mr. Goldstein slept only an hour a night in the basement of the hul, that he had been in a labor camp in Siberia, that his heart was weak, that a loud noise could kill him, that snow made him cry."

"She's kept her love for him as alive as the summer they first met. In order to do this, she's turned life away. Sometimes she subsists for days on waterr and air."

"During the Age of Glass, everyone believed some part of him or her to be extremely fragile. For some it was a hand, for others a femus, yet others believed it was their noses that were made of glass."

"During the Age of Silence, people communicated more, not less. Basic survival demanded that the hands were almost never still, and so it was only during sleep (and sometimes not even then) that people were not saying something or other. No distinction was made between the gestures of language and the gestures of life."

"The mistakes were heartbreaking. And yet, because people knew how easily they could happen, because they didn't go around with the illusion that they understood perfectly the things other people said, they were used to interrupting each other to ask if they'd understood correctly."

"It's possible I cried. What' the difference?"

"Just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings were being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret."

"It's also true that sometimes people felt things and, because there was no word for them, they went unmentioned. The oldest emotion in the world may be that of being moved' but to describe it - just to name it - must have been like trying to catch something invisible."

"From time to time when a piece of music no one has ever written, or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom, or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges, and absorbs the impact."

"So many words get lost The leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves. On rainy days you can hear their chorus rushing past: IwasabeautifulgirlPleasedon'tgoItoobelievemybodyismadeofglassI'veneverlovedanythingIthinkofmyselfasfunnyForgive me..."

"His room was tiny, and every morning he had to squeeze around the truth just to get to the bathroom."

"Why do people always get named after dead people? If they have to be named after anything at all, why can't it be things, which have more permanence, like the sky or the sea, or even ideas, which never really died, not even bad ones?"

xoxo

2009-01-19T22:03:00.003-05:00

"Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy."

I am the first one to admit that I am ridiculously amused by bad (and good) TV. Every time I have important things to do, I decide to watch an entire season (or series) of something. Big Love, Arrested Development, Secret Life of the American Teenager, Six Feet Under, How I Met Your Mother, anything that's worth a watch. I have very little taste when it comes to television or movies. I just like to be entertained.

In the past week or so, Kristen and I have been obsessively watching Gossip Girl (I also read the books in high school). I have to say, I'm addicted. Especially to Mr. Chuck Bass, pictured above. He's an asshole, but I love him.

Prologue

2009-01-14T19:54:00.003-05:00

I have always had at least three books in me. There are three things I have always known I would be able to write a novel about. The first in my adaptation of the Metamorphoses. The second is the story of Cleopatra and Antony's daughter, Cleopatra Selene.

The third is the story that Fae and I have been writing since we were 13 years old. A story with a cast of over 500, at least half of which we know almost personally. Now we're going to write it. And putting it down here makes it more real. I don't know how we're going to do it, exactly, living in two different countries and with completely different schedules (neither of which include that much spare time). But I'm really excited to start it.

I don't know what happens when I finally write these three books. But I've always know I would. Maybe they'll be good, maybe they'll be bad. But they need to be written.

And I'm so happy to be writing this one with my Faebala.

Urgh.

2009-01-14T01:36:00.002-05:00

I have written over 10,000 words in the last week. I wrote four essays about Canadian History, a book review about the Origin of Species and an article for CarletonNow.

I am spent. I am going to sleep.

Never, ever take a course online.