Reading Rainbow!

I got this from someone on facebook.. and I thought I wasn't going to do it. But I've decided to give it a try. I'm going to read 50 books in a year. Do it with me!

1. The Gathering by Anne Enright

It's such a wonder that I think I'll stay in bed...

I often wonder how other people see me. Actually, I always wonder that. I'm sort of obsessed with it, and it's the root of all my self consciousness. I don't know why I really care...

But the thing that scares me the most is that I might be right. That all the horrible things I'm thinking about myself that I think they're thinking too... really is what they're thinking.

I think I think too much.

I've always wanted to be someone I'd see as beautiful.

part of this terrible mess that I'm making...

I'm sort of at a loss of anything to say, I'm a little bit of a roller coaster these days. I don't know. I wrote this whole post blathering on about ridiculous things that mean nothing. But I've just deleted it. Because it's just an excuse for me to not go to bed.

i'm looking for someone
but i don't know his name
all the faces before me
well, they all look the same
but there's got to be one face
and one pair of eyes
that'll light me on fire
when they're looking in mine
oh, I'm looking for someone
oh, I'm looking for someone
who's looking for me


always this ridiculous obsession with love

nunc aut numquam

I'm through accepting limits, 'cause someone says they're so...

I was thinking about this line while listened to Wicked the other day. And I decided something.

I am the only person who holds me back. I let life get in my way.

Other people believe in me a lot easier than I do. Other people support me a hell of a lot better than I support myself. All of the things I can't seem to do, or get right... they're because I keep making excuses or because I don't believe I can.

I'm not going to hold myself back. I'm going to give every second of this life every effort possible, ever ounce of my strength. Because I'm going to be 21 in a couple of months, and what have I done? There is no day but today and I need to remember that. And not regret a single day. Not spend my life waiting for something better in the future.

This post has been brought to you by inspiring lines in Broadway musicals!

close to nothing at all

Jesus Christ, my hair is long. I'm constantly amazed by it.

Also, you can watch pictures change on the side of my blog here. Exciting, isn't it?

"Ooh, look, shiny button.."

there was never anyplace for someone like me to be totally happy

I'm such a blathering idiot, writing things... anything to distract myself from what I'm really feeling and what I really should be writing or saying or doing...

But not tonight. It hurts too much and I am just too tired.

As if anyone cares about my classes next year. As if I even care. *sigh*

grandma said destiny'd blow me away
nothing's gonna blow me away

all my life i've been searching for something...

Picking out classes for next year. So far:

JOUR4000 - the stupid generic J class we have to take.
JOUR4207 - Professional Practices: Television Reporting
JOUR4201 (or something) - Specialized reporting.. either Arts or Science. Maybe Social Issues? Really, whichever one someone will take with me. I know I will hate whichever one I choose.
JOUR4208 - Video Documentary
CLCV2300 -Introduction to Archaeology
CLCV3201 - Studies in Greek History (the Spartans!!)
CLCV4something - some type of fourth year classics class that I have no idea what the topics are yet. Or when they are. Or anything.

This is a good distraction from the sadness in me right now. Dreaming of the future always is. Plus side is, got the official letter offering me $2500 again for next year. So at least that'll pay for my summer courses. Money stresses me out. But I should get paid (finally) on Thursday.

just give me many chances, i'll see you through it all...

Couldn't sleep last night. Again. Though I was exhausted. Think I must've slept about 3-4 hours total... the best of which was right before my alarm went off, of course. This better not be a habit...

Still awake...

Bah...!

just passing through...

I'm not tired, don't want to go to sleep. But I have absolutely nothing else to do. Surprise, surprise.

My life is so boring it hurts. I'm always waiting around for pieces of other people's time. Thanks for making my days off oh so much fun, world.

I have so many thoughts running through my head. I've been in a really sad mood since Friday. I wish I had someone to talk to. But instead I'll go to bed and lie awake for hours because I can't get my head to shut up.

having a ball (har har)

I'm sitting on a giant red ball.

I've decided I'm getting my next tattoo in September, and I want to get it on the back of my neck. But to do that I need better posture, or else it will look horrible. So... this is the plan.

This is how exciting my life is.