Fail Remedied

I just wanted to post quickly that I PASSED MY EXAM! They let me retake it, and I only got 53% but that's fine by me. I'm now going to be able to graduate on June 10 and get everything started for my visa!

Thanks to everyone who crossed their fingers for me!!

A more meaningful post later... Maybe. I might get distracted by my new Xbox.

Eventually....

I know I set a precedent of updating every day in the last couple of months, but you see... I have this huge exam (the one I failed three times) on Monday. And I started my summer job this week. So my head is too full of cupcakes and Canadian History to write anything interesting.

But I will tell you what you have to look forward to when I'm finally free.

1) Tomorrow I will try to post pictures of my lovely cupcakes.
2) I shot some footage in Pittsburgh, of my ride down, our road trip to Cleveland and our second attempt at the Fort Pitt Tunnel. I plan to make a video to show you folks! It may or may not include singing, just to warn you.
3) Most importantly, I recently won a contest for free web hosting from Seb and I will be a) moving my blog over there! and b) redesigning my blog, with the help of my Amazon Webmistress, Kaitlyn, and her php savvy.
4) Eventually I will blog about my new job, and Victorian High Tea in general.
5) I have to read 25 books before the end of June, so expect lots of book reviews!
6) If everything goes well (please cross your fingers for me!) I will be graduating in just a few weeks, which will undoubtedly lead to a nostalgic end of an era post.
7) Again, if everything goes well, I need to start thinking about moving to England! Which I'm sure I'll write about constantly.
8) I fully plan to do at least five of my 100 things this summer, and those ones are always the best posts.

Archaeologists dig up a story from Ottawa's past

It's 1885 and the city of Ottawa is a different place. The LeBreton Flats are not an empty space next to the Canadian War Museum to hold Ottawa Bluesfest each year. Instead, they are a busy part of the growing national capital, a settlement of mostly labourers and the home of Ottawa's second oldest train station between Booth and Broad Streets.

See the full story here.

They finally put our Science Reporting features up. Take a look. See, I told you I was a journalist!

The continuation of when Hez failed

This day is exhausting me.

I woke up this morning to an e-mail that I had failed the appeal on my exam. I think I stopped breathing for almost a minute. Then, I tried to fix it...

I've been e-mailing back and forth with the Dean all day, trying to figure things out. See, I really really want to graduate in June. If I can at least manage that, then it will be okay. I will still be able to go to Newcastle, get my visa and everything.

Today, after speaking with my adviser at Carleton, I thought that might be possible. Now I have no idea what to think. If I have to reregister in the course I can't do so until June 1, which means I would not be able to graduate on June 10th. So now I have to hope the Registrar's Office will allow me to take a third exam without reregistering.

I fucking hate this. I cannot handle this anymore.

What I learned this year - or the various adventures of Apartment 4

This morning I wrote my (hopefully) last exam of my undergraduate degree.

As the year comes to an end, I've decided to make a list of the things I've learnt over the course of this year. Here goes:

1. Even (or especially) when procrastinating, living with your friends is hella fun.
   
2. Try as she might, Kristen will never learn how to teleport us to school.
3. What happens in the edit suites stays in the edit suites - true friendship is surviving being stuck in a small cubicle with a temperamental computer and a tight deadline.
4. Powdered donuts can get me through anything.
5. Wednesday nights are fierce. ANTM and girls night.
6. Hummus should not be used in the bedroom.
7. That night in San Quinn was unforgettable.
   
8. If you make a giant vat of chili on the weekend, you have food all week!
   
9. How to push myself to max sushi capacity. Also, how to make sushi.
10. M&M brownies in a box are the best kind of brownies, in a box.
11. There are few problems that can't be solved by Hagen Daas.
12. It's very hard to fashion an erect penis on a sugar cookie man with just icing.
13. Journalism sucks. Wait, I already knew that. This year I learned that certain things, like docs and fun archaeology articles aren't so bad.
14. Testes? Testicles? It's interchangeable.
15. Everyone should have an slogan. Like Kristen, Canada's Open Person.
16. How to dance like no one's watching.
    
17. You can eat grilled cheese three to four days a week, two meals a day.
18. Every day is a Tea Party.
19. Science isn't as scary as I thought.
20. It's very difficult to walk down four flights of stairs in heels when drunk.
21. It is possible to live for a year with only three walls.
22. I look damn hot in a grad cap, unlike the majority of people. Unfortunately, without the hat I look like a smirking fool holding fake flowers.
23. Museums are awesome.
24. How to make egg salad. And heart shaped scones. And a million cookies.
25. I have the best friends in the world, and I owe the survival of this year and the three before that to them.

And now.... what four BJ students are really good for....

Come September

Do you ever want something so badly that you're sure the world is going to try to take it away from you?

I am not a "lucky" person. This is not to say that I'm not incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful family, great friends and all of the opportunities that go along with a middle class upbringing and my health.

But if we're talking a roll of the dice, win the lottery, pull your name out of a hat kind of lucky - I'm not it. I envy people who have those charmed lives. We all know them, just when everything seems to be taking a turn for the worse, something comes along and saves them. They seem to somehow be given chances the rest of us don't have.

I learned a long time ago that I have to fight for everything I want in life. I learned a long time ago not to place my happiness in other people hands.

Which is why, last month, when I was making a pro/con list for grad schools and looking up cars to buy for another summer working at Pinhey's, I couldn't imagine a time where things fit together so perfectly before. I couldn't remember being that thrilled about my future.

And this is where the post gets depressing...

I try to be an optimistic person. After years of emotional pessimism in high school, I surrendered to the fact that at heart I'm a daydream believer. So over the last four years I've embraced that side of myself as much as possible.

But I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that something was going to go wrong.

First, I had a meeting with my boss and found out that I wasn't going to be able to go back to Pinhey's this summer. I'm conflicted about this, because the job I did get is still with the museums, but it's the Tea Coordinator job at Billings. And to truly understand why it upsets me, you have to understand how much I love Pinhey's. From the first day of my job last summer, I felt like a part of me belonged there. I loved every second of my job last summer. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend a summer, on the water in a house that was built in the early 19th century. In costume. So it's not that I'm unhappy with the job at Billings, so much as I know I'm really going to miss Pinhey's.

Secondly, I failed. Which I've written about already.

And now, the financial implications of moving to England and paying overseas tuition are catching up to me. I think I live in a little bit of a bubble, and don't fully understand what money means sometimes. I do now. The bank rejected my first application for a student line of credit this week, and now I have to look into other options.

I am a strong person. I have all the ability in the world to do things for myself. But this... I can't deal with. It's just too big. When I think about it my heart hurts and it's hard to breath.

I have gone through four years of arguably the most demanding journalism program in the country. I have hated nearly every minute of it. I have worked myself raw to get where I am and it was all leading up to this. To grad school. I may not have known it all along, but as soon as I made the decision I had that awed feeling of the pieces fitting together. This is what I wanted to do. More than anything. It was my future. I didn't need to know what came after, I just needed to know that that's where I was going to be in September.

But now, with all of these obstacles in my way, is it? Am I going to lose this?

The one where Hez failed

Okay, here's the thing. I'm good at school. It's what I do best. I'm a good writer and when worse comes to worse I can bullshit just about anything and still get a decent mark.

I don't fail.

I can count the number of times I have failed on less than one hand. A 45% on a French test in Gr. 7. I'm pretty sure I failed my final exam in Ancient Greek in first year, but I still consider it a success since I didn't throw up and I passed the class. It is likely that I failed one or more Latin test this summer. (Notice that I kind of suck at languages?)

That's it. I graduated high school with Honours. I've been on the Dean's List, I've gotten scholarships. My grades are good enough that I got into every grad school I applied for.

I was supposed to take Canadian History first year. It's a requirement for a journalism degree. But I hate Canadian History and was pretty sure I would eventually drop journalism. Well, I didn't. So I planned to take Canadian History last summer. The one summer that Carleton didn't offer it. I was left with only one choice: Athabasca University.

Athabasca is an online university. I paid them $1400 for six credits (equivalent to one full credit in my system). They sent me a billion text books. I left things to the last minute, as I usually do. I ended up writing four essays and two exams in three weeks. On the first course I got 85% on both essays and a 70% on the exam. Not great, but whatever. I wasn't looking for much. On the second course I got 65% on both essays (had to rewrite one..) and.... a 38% on the exam.

38%?! I was shocked. I had studied. Granted, I hadn't slept and I had written another exam right before it. But... I answered all the questions! In essay form!

So I had to take the exam again. Two weeks ago, I once again killed myself studying for this exam, trying to absorb Canadian history as best I could from a textbook.

This time, I got 37%. Seriously?!?! I can't get my head around it, and I've wanted to cry ever since I found out. I don't fail things.

I'm appealing the mark. And I'm praying to WHATEVER IS LISTENING - I just need 50%. I just need to pass.

I can't even be mad right now, because I'm so desperate.

If I don't pass this, I will not be able to graduate in June. And I have no idea what happens then.

Please please please please please.

Newcastle-upon-Tyne

The first tentative decision has been reached. I have decided (I think) to do my graduate degree at Newcastle University in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in England. I will be getting an MA in Greek and Roman Archaeology. The program lets me do Heritage/Collections Management along with more traditional archaeological methods courses. I'll also be going to both Rome and Athens during the year. Newcastle-upon-Tyne (one of two English Newcastle's, the other is Newcastle-under-Lyme) is pretty close to Hadrian's Wall, so apparently we'll be studying Roman archaeology there too.

Newcastle itself is a smaller city in the North East, about 2.5 hours from Edinburgh and 5 hours from London. It's surrounded by beautiful English countryside, it's said. It's a shipping town, but because of the university has a student population too. Newcastle University is apparently a "Russell Group" school, which is England's equivalent to Ivy League. Which sounds pretty awesome to me. I guess I always figured if I was doing a classic's degree anywhere but Oxford or Cambridge I was a step down from the best anyway. Apparently not so!

I was conflicted, trying to decide between Newcastle, Edinburgh and Leicester. I wrote a pro/con list last night with the help of Kristen, Chris and Taylor. We decided the only real reason I wanted to go to the University of Edinburgh was because I loved the city, not the program. And I decided on my own that the only reason I wanted to go to Leicester was because it was so close to London. But, in the end, I think I'll really like Newcastle. After all, I hated Dublin and adored Galway - so maybe I'm a small to medium sized town person.

But as Chris said last night- no matter where I end up it's going to be amazing. I'm going to be in England, doing my master's. Doing a respected master's program in a field I actually love (as opposed to my Bachelor of Journalism which I've hated since day one).

This isn't the final decision. I'm not ready to press any buttons or make it official. But I think this is it. And I'm really excited. I called Fae to tell her - she needed to be the first person I told, officially. England.. England is ours. It was our dream. And someday, maybe we'll be there together. But this is just the beginning.

If I could wish for anything in my life I hope that it never stops being full of firsts.

Grad school, pt. V

Today I got old fashioned mail - a nice big acceptance package from the University of Leicester for an MA in Classical Mediterranean. They were the only school left that I hadn't heard from, and possibly my first choice. So, that makes five schools and six programs. Leicester is about 45 minutes from London, and the program is sort of an interesting interdisciplinary type program complete with a study tour of the Mediterranean in second semester.

So now I really have to decide between all these places. I foresee a giant pro con list in the future. It's hard to believe that this is all happening.

Grad school, pt. IV

Today I got a very strange e-mail. It was from one of the Professors at the University of London: King's College saying that he was recommending that the school make me a conditional offer. This, he said, was based on the fact that he had been interested in what I wrote on my statement of interest in regards to my proposed field of research. He then went on to talk about heroic bone transfer (what I had talked about) for a few paragraphs, and to suggest the classes I should take should I decide to do my Master's there. It was an e-mail specifically to me, about me....

Essentially, it's an offer from the University of London. Which, to be honest, wasn't one of my top choices because it's so expensive. But it made it seem like they were personally interested in me and my research. This could very likely be a tactic to get me to accept and pay them a lot of money.. but it's a tactic that certainly works.

I only have a couple of weeks to decide which school to choose.... I hate making decisions, but making THIS decision is way better than trying to decide what to do next year if I didn't get in anywhere.

Grad school, pt. III

Today I got an acceptance to two programs at the University of Edinburgh, MSc in Classical Art and Archaeology and MSc in Mediterranean Archaeology.

I adore Edinburgh. Lain and I went to visit for the weekend when we were in Ireland. It's such a gorgeous city. And the University of Edinburgh is one of Europe's oldest and most prestigious universities.

This is a photo I took when we visited the University (notice the wonder that is my wide angle lens).

Now I have three different universities and four different programs to decide between. And I have to decide soon. I can see myself being happy at any of the three places, but I know for a fact that I love Edinburgh - and the city I'm about to move to is really important for me.

Grad school, pt. II

Yesterday, I received my acceptance offer for an MA in Greek and Roman Archaeology at Newcastle University.

Newcastle University is in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England. Yeah, I didn't know where that was either. Apparently, northeast. Now that I have two acceptances, and I know I'm going somewhere next year... I have to actually start thinking about it and the decisions I'll have to make.

Not only is there money, choosing a program and finding a place to figure out. But this means that I am actually, honestly, definitely moving to the UK next year. There's a lot to think about. I'm going to miss being at least in the same time zone as Fae. I'm going to miss living here, miss Wednesday nights with Kristen, Taylor and Chris. I'm going to miss my high school girlies, most who I've known longer than time. I'm going to miss my parents. I'm going to miss my grandparents. My sister. My cat. Plus, starting in a new country where you know no one is always really hard, plus I'll be doing a completely new program at the same time, and living in a whole new city. And there's the added factor that I'm essentially a very anti social person who has to force myself to interact with people.

But on the other hand, I won't have to suffer through another horrible Canadian winter. Even rain has to be better than this. Plus, a new program! A new city! I'll be in Europe, I can travel. I'll finally be able to devote myself fully to what I love. I'll get a new start.

I'm also so tired of Ottawa. There wouldn't be much here for me next year if I stayed anyway. Everyone, every thing is slowly moving on. So I might as well get a running start, right?

I'm excited, and terrified.

Grad school, pt. I

Today I got my first acceptance into grad school. It's for an MLitt in Classical Archaeology and Ancient History at the University of Glasgow.


It's such a relief to know that, no matter what, I have something to do next year. I was beginning to get anxious. I like to have plans. Which isn't to say my plans can't change, but I like to have my life tentatively sorted out in my head.

Now I just need to find the money to go!

Blink, blink

Sitting here watching the cursor blink on a Word document where I will eventually (before 8:30 tomorrow morning) write 2,000 words about embedded journalism and public interest.

I'm so ready to be done my undergrad. It feels like the last semester of high school all over again.

Also to do this week:
-Two exams
-Grad school applications
-Rewrite first Athabasca essay
-Death?

Urgh.

I have written over 10,000 words in the last week. I wrote four essays about Canadian History, a book review about the Origin of Species and an article for CarletonNow.

I am spent. I am going to sleep.

Never, ever take a course online.

Grad school

I am applying for grad school.

It's so terrifying to say outloud. But I am. That's what I plan to do next year. A Master's degree in Classical Archaeology.

I have to get a few things together in order to do this. I need a thesis proposal, references and an academic CV. Today, I talked to my 4th year seminar professor about being one of my references, and he said yes. So that's one step. I also plan to ask the professor I'm TAing for.

I'm not sure if I'm going to get in. Most of the schools I'm applying to are in the UK, and they take the classics a lot more seriously over there. My marks are okay, but not stunning. My resume, I hope, is impressive. Most of my experience goes with my journalism degree, but I also have museum experience, and TAing experience. I hope those will help me seem more qualified.

I'm also really hoping that my journalism degree will work for me. Technically, I feel like proof that I can communicate as well as research, write, understand and interpret history will be something that I can bring that not many applicants can.

I'm just not sure that the universities will feel that way. And that having done two degrees will actually be mark against me. Because a lot of my time is spent on journalism, I don't do as well in my Classics classes as I could. Because I'm doing a combined honours, I don't have as many credits in Classics as I would, and I definitely don't have the language credits I should.

When I applied for my undergrad, I knew I was going to get in. My marks in high school were in the top range, and that's pretty much all they looked at. From that, I got early acceptance and a scholarship.

Now, I think I'm just one in a thousand similar candidates. And not even in the top range. The only hope I have is to make my thesis and resume stand out. On top of that, to go to school in the UK is VERY expensive for international students. Not only would my tuition be about 9000 pounds a year, but I also have to move and live there. In order to avoid getting a $20,000 student line of credit, I'd like to get a scholarship to at least cover my tuition. There are lots of scholarships available, particularly for Commonwealth citizens. But am I good enough to get them...?

All of this is incredibly scary, and all of this has to be done this month, over the Christmas break. Because it's due at the end of January and I'm on overload next semester.

On a slightly more positive note, these are my top schools:

University of Edinburgh - Classical Archaeology (or Classics)
University of London - Classical Archaeology
University of British Columbia - Classical Archaeology
Simon Fraser University - Archaeology, Creative Writing
University of Ottawa - Classics
University of Leicester - Classical Mediterranean (Archaeology and History)
University of York - Historical Archaeology, Field Archaeology
University of Glasgow - Classical Archaeology and Ancient History
Newcastle University - Greek and Roman Archaeology

My favourites are University of Leicester (45 mins from London), University of Glasgow (where I get to do history as well as Archaeology) and the University of Edinburgh (one of my favourite cities EVER).

But on top of everything else, if I do get in I have to move to a completely different country all by myself and that's terrifying.

I don't want to grow up.

AS!**R^(*&^@#!*@&KJADH!!!!!!!!

Oh my God I'm so fucked for this week.

I promised myself I wouldn't have a mental breakdown this semester...

Ahhhhh!!!