no day but today

I randomly remembered today that almost two years ago I wrote a letter to myself, sealed it and stuck it in a box. To open at least a year later. This is what it said:

"Dear Me,

It's a lot like looking in the mirror and not liking what you see. When reexamining my life, I tend to find it empty and useless - and nothing at all like I want it to be. I know the feelings well. For years I've hated the way I look. Now, on top of that, I hate the way I live.

This marks the beginning of a deliberate effort to change my life - to take things into my own hands and to let myself and my life be changed by my own action and the actions of others.

If I can read this in a year, and clearly state at least three huge changes in my life - I will force myself to be content.

My plan for this year is to keep myself so busy that I have no time to feel lonely or inadequate. To leave no room for overthinking!

I will take the dangerous step outside my comfort zone. I will accomplish things. Something. Anything.

Because I'm tired of this and the way its always been. And I'm tired of doing nothing about it. So here we go. One foot forward, one step up.

I want to find the things that make me see the things that make me wonderful. Drown the things that make me fail. Celebrate the things that make me different.

I want to live prepared to die. I want to do extraordinary things because the ordinary is boring and I'm so fucking tired of being me.

So, me... if you (I?) have made any steps in this seemingly right direction... please pat me (yourself?) on the back for me (you?).

There is no day but today.

Love, Me. At the age of 19, August the 10th, 2006."

Still looking for the things that make me see the things that make me wonderful. But I have been ridiculously busy, I did step outside of my comfort zone and I have accomplished things. Maybe. So, pat pat, me. And maybe I should write another.