Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #1

When Fae and I were walking around Pittsburgh tonight, we were talking about some classic Hez/Fae moments and thought it would be a good idea to share some with you. So I'm going to start with my favourite, because of the sheer hilarity.

So let's preface this with the fact that, for those of you who don't know me personally, I have a fairly big boobs. It's something I've come to terms with. They have their own fans, who am I to oppress them? Well, here's an example of how they saved my life.

It was the summer, and Fae was still living with her parents. We were prone to getting hopped up on sugar and talking all night. We decided it would be a really great idea to climb up on the roof and lay out with some blankets, gaze at the stars and have one of those life changing talks that you have so often when you're a teenager, and forget how to when you get older.

Let's get one thing straight - I am terrified of heights. Not so much of being in high places, but of going up ladders or stairs where you can see down. Once I'm up there, I'm fine. It's just the climb that terrifies me. Anyway, so Fae's parent's house is only one story high, and there was already a ladder leaning against it. Fabulous! Fae goes up first. I whimper a little about how I hate ladders, but eventually I get up there too. And we talk. And watch the stars. And it's all fantastic. Then we get a little tired and a little chilly and decide to call it a night. Fae goes down the ladder. I move to follow.

If there's anything scarier than going up a ladder, it's going down. And this is why. I took one step onto the first rung and it promptly broke, sending me flying through the ladder to the ground.

The funny part?

The reason I didn't hit the ground is because one of the bottom rungs of the ladder caught underneath my chest and it held me there. No joke. I didn't hit the ground. I was suspended in the air by my boobs alone.

There was a long silence.
"Are you okay...?!" Fae says. Her voice catches at the end. She's trying not to laugh.
"I... I'm trying to decide whether to laugh or cry right now," I answer. And then I start to laugh. Hysterically. Without end. I have a huge gash on the top of my thigh from hitting.. something (I still have a little bit of a scar) but I'm sitting there laughing hard enough to wake up her whole family.

"We should have gotten that on video!" says Fae, also hysterical.

The next day, limping slightly, I get to tell everyone I fell through a ladder. Fae's boyfriend's response? "Man, you should have gotten that on video!"

And that is how my boobs saved my life.