Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #3

One fine summer, Fae and I ventured down Virginia to meet up with Ali, another RPG friend of ours we'd know since about the same time we met. Fae'd met her before, but I hadn't. Fae's mom drove us down to meet Ali half way. While we were driving, I fell asleep with my head against the window in the back (which I do a lot in cars because I get horrible motion sickness). I was sleeping peacefully when suddenly... the window opened and I was almost thrown from the car. I screamed and sat up, shocked.

Fae looked over at me, startled. Then she looked down at her foot, on the window button. And laughed. She tried to kill me!

We went to Staunton, Virginia to stay with Ali. But she lived in Res, and there wasn't enough room for three of us. So we stayed on the futon at her friends Stina and Dylan's apartment. The apartment was on the third floor, there was an elevator. We went back one night to watch a movie. We got into the elevator, pressed the 3 button, went up to the floor. It was one of those old elevators with the grate that you have pull shut before it will move. So we go to open this grate... and it's stuck.
"Oh right, I forgot that this elevator always gets stuck," Ali says. Meanwhile I'm holding a tub of Ben and Jerry's, rapidly melting.

So of course I made a video. A very ADD video.



"This is our elevator stuck... Stuck in an elevator video." - Hez

"What do you think about being stuck in an elevator?" -Hez
"I think I have to pee." - Fae
"Me too." - Hez
"Yeah, me too." - Ali

We eventually got out of the elevator, rescued by a guy who lived in the building. Then, of course, we didn't have the key for the apartment. So I had to eat my Ben and Jerry's with the smallest spoon in the world, that we found in the bottom of Ali's purse.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Cleveland rocks?

Fae and I decided it would be a nice idea to go to Cleveland, to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the zoo. Cleveland's less than two hours away from where Fae lives, but I thought it would be nice for us to get a hotel and stay overnight. Especially since it was going to be free (or nearly) with my AirMiles. So we booked the hotel (which of course wasn't actually free... that's the way these things work, right?) and headed down yesterday.

We should've known things were going to go wrong, because my GPS suddenly stopped working on the way out of Pittsburgh and we ended up driving in circles in downtown Pittsburgh trying to get the stupid thing to "recalculate route."

When we left Pittsburgh it was yet another gorgeous sunny, warm day. About 26 degrees (Celsius). So of course Fae and I only packed sundresses. We actually both almost packed jeans but changed our mind last minute and didn't. By the time we go to Cleveland, it was raining and 11 degrees. What the hell? We were very poorly dressed, obviously. We parked and ran into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, stepping in puddles with flip flops and covering our heads with our very small sweaters.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was pretty awesome - I hadn't been there since I was about 8, and I definitely appreciated it a lot more this time. We stayed a few hours, then we decided to check into the hotel and just hang out a bit in the warmth before we went for dinner. This is when I discovered that while I had brought my laptop, as planned, I had forgotten the power cord. It was charged about 70%, but that's only about 3 hours of usage. We had brought movies to watch in the hotel! Damn.

We watched How I Met Your Mother for a bit, and then headed out for dinner. We were staying pretty far from the city, out by the airport. But we had a GPS, so it's okay, right? Unless, of course, you're us. The stupid thing kept losing signal in the middle of Cleveland, leaving us to try to navigate our own way through what apparently was baseball game traffic. They had traffic cops directing things, but I have no idea what they were doing... they were making us go through red lights! Finally, we found a place to park. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe, ordered strawberry daquiris and hoped it would at least be a good dinner.

Apparently the Hard Rock Cafe is a huge rip off... Our drinks were $6.99 each and didn't even taste like they had alcohol in them. Our sandwiches were about $12.99 and while they were HUGE they weren't all that great.

Normally, upon visiting a new city, we would walk around and check it out. It was too bloody cold and still raining. So we decided we would try to go see and movie. We asked the waitress and found out there was a theatre in the same plaza, in the basement. We paid and left and took the elevator downstairs... to the sketchiest plaza basement I've ever been to. Only to find out that while they were playing about a dozen movies, they were all the movies we didn't want to see and none of the ones we did want to see (we were thinking Adventureland or Sunshine Cleaning). So that failed too.

In the elevator on the way back up I turned to Fae.
"Why do we always fail?" I asked. We laughed and decided that we would just order payperview back at the hotel and stay warm in bed. We got back to the hotel and decided that the pool looked very enticing, so we got back in the car to go into the weird Cleveland suburb to find a cheap place to buy a bathing suit. The guy at the front desk had given us directions to a Walmart. The last part was "Go down and turn right down Brooksomething, there's a Walmart at the end of that road." He said the real name, but neither of us could remember so we decided that it wouldn't be that hard to find the street that was Brooksomething. We turn and find... Brookhaven, Brookdale, Meadowbrook and Brookshire. All right next to each other. Hmm.

Needless to say, we didn't find the Walmart, but we kept going down the street and eventually found another store and bought some bathing suits, which were quite expensive for suits neither of us planned to ever wear again.

We got back to the hotel, went swimming for about 30 minutes, until we suffocated from the heat of the hot tub, and then went back up to our room to order payperview. Fae took a shower, and I tried to figure out the payperview. After about 45 minutes of trying to work it, and then seeing if maybe there was something on real TV to watch, I called the front desk.

"Hi, I can't seem to get the Payperview to work."
"Yeah, the company we got Payperview from just recently shut down. So we don't have Payperview right now."
"Oh.... Okay then, bye."

Again, we tried to find something on TV. Largely, we failed. Until we found Whose Line Is It Anyway, and excitedly tried to tune to that channel... only to find out that we didn't get that channel.

We woke up this morning with plans to go to the Zoo, but they were very quickly dampened by the cold and the rain. We ate our continental breakfast and left Cleveland behind forever, after having failed at everything.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Top Ten Reasons to Love a Geeky Girl

So, this is a list that I sent to Seb to help with his newest post. Almost all of my friends are geek girls, and I think it's time that people realize we're awesome - the ones who speak Elvish (Fae), those who speak binary (Kaitlyn), the gamers (there are too many I can't name you all!) and the role players (me, of course). With movies like Superbad and Sydney White, there's a sudden increase in the love of nerdy guys. But there are so many geek chicks out there too, and we need our recognition!

1. Smart is sexy. There’s a reason Sexy Librarian is one of the top Halloween costumes every year. Because there’s something mysteriously sexy about what lies behind those thick rimmed glasses and beneath that cardigan. Smart girls are sexy because they’re not expected to be sexy. They’re a nice surprise – a reason to look up from your studying, even to pay your library fines.

2. She can probably beat your high score/redesign your blog/do your math homework/has a better comic book collection than you. A real man loves a challenge. And what’s more challenging than a woman who not only shares your interests, but even beats you at them? You have a lot to learn from a geeky girl. She can beat you at Star Wars trivia, you two can spend the afternoon in her favourite multiplayer or she can entertain you with fun historical facts. And just think – together you can probably fix anything. Or take over the world.

3. You speak the same language. You don’t have to bother yourself with explaining acronyms or characters, because she already knows what it means. Whether html, Latin, binary, computer specs or WoW, to your geeky girl it’s the language of love.

4. She’s not clingy. A geeky girl isn’t as clingy as the average girl. She has her own commitments, her own WoW character, her own convention buddies and her own programming to do. She’s happy to spend time with you, but she doesn’t need you to be available 24/7. Which is great, because you have your own geekery to tend to, and these things take time.

5. Won't hate you for going to a LAN conference/comic book convention and will probably come with you. That’s right, you could be that guy who brings the girl. Worshipped as a God, you’re the nerd who gets some at the conference or convention. You’re the dude with arm candy. And you didn’t even have to pay her.

6. Will gladly dress up as the Princess Zelda to your Link for Halloween (or Harley Quinn to Joker, Mrs. Lovett to Sweeney Todd, Princess Leia to your Han Solo, Cleopatra to your Caesar.) There’s nothing better than pair’s costumes. Remember how lonely it was to go solo as Solo? Remember last Halloween they laughed at your elf ears? That’s solved by bringing your very own sexy geek counterpart!

7. Willing to role play. In and out of the bedroom. Enough said.

8. Your favourite activities are now sexy activities. Imagine adding sex to all your favourite nerd pastimes! This is now possible, with your nerdy girlfriend. Multiplayer? Check. Wii Fit? Definitely check.

9. She'll settle for being serenaded with Rock Band instruments instead of real ones. Because she’s geeky, all of your geeky ideas of romance will have her swooning. What better way to say Happy Valentines than with a new website design? Or Happy Birthday with tickets to the opening night of Wolverine? Nothing says Merry Christmas like battling the forces of evil together.

10. She’s looking for you. Above all, the best thing about a geeky girl is that she’s probably looking for a geeky guy. After trying her hand at dating jocks and jerks, she’s probably looking for someone who’s actually interesting and who’s interested in her. For once, your chances increase directly with your nerdiness. You can impress her with your geekery.

Mythology Mondays: A friend to mankind

Prometheus is a Titan, the son of Atlas. Now, the Titans don't really like the Olympians much, being that Zeus and his siblings sort of stole their power from them. Prometheus, however, is a special case.

In some accounts, it was Prometheus who created mankind out of mud. But Prometheus is best known for his gift to man - essentially the gift of civilization.

Prometheus tricked Zeus. On the event of the first sacrifice to the Gods, Prometheus divided the animal into two portions and wrapped each in cloth. In one portion was the bones and fat, all of the inedible parts of the animal. In the other portion was the meat. Prometheus spoke to Zeus on behalf of mankind. He bade Zeus to choose which portion he would take for himself. Zeus, of course, chose the larger bundle. Prometheus had made sure that the sack of bones and fat was larger. This set the precedence for all divine sacrifices - humans would feast on the meat and leave the bones for the Gods.

Out of anger, the Olympians kept the power of fire to themselves, to forge Zeus' lightening bolts, to light Helios' sun chariot. But Prometheus conspired to steal it back.

Prometheus begged admittance to Mount Olympus. He climbed to the heavens where he could reach Helios' chariot. He lit a torch on the flame of the sun and hurried back to Earth, where he gave fire to mankind. Hesiod says that with fire, humans were finally able to take the first steps towards civilization. That Prometheus gave man the means of life.

Prometheus' punishment is renowned. He was chained to a rock on the top of a mountain. Every day an eagle would swoop down and gnaw out his liver. Every night the liver would grow back, and Prometheus would have to suffer again the next day. He remained here through ages of mankind, until finally Heracles freed him.

Prometheus
For boons bestowed
On mortal men I am straitened in these bonds.
I sought the fount of fire in hollow reed
Hid privily, a measureless resource
For man, and mighty teacher of all arts.
This is the crime that I must expiate
Hung here in chains, nailed 'neath the open sky.

-Aeschylus' Prometheus Bound

Prometheus' brother Epimetheus, was the husband of Pandora. Prometheus' daughter was Pyrrha, the wife of Deucalion and the only woman to survive the Flood.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Not so there

Fae appears to have noticed something about me in the past few days that no one else has noticed before... or maybe they were just too nice to comment about it.

Apparently, I have mentally challenged moments. This doesn't come as a huge shock to me, my dad has long called me the stupidest smart person he knows. This is because I generally live in my head, and I tend to zone out. I also tend to mess up on the small, stupid things in life because I'm too busy thinking about bigger things. Or at least, I like to think that's my excuse for being stupid.

This isn't a new revelation, Fae once looked back in the car and saw me just grinning absently out the window. Since in her family people don't smile, she was shocked.

And then there was the night with the Fanta. Where I just couldn't get it in my head that the pop machine wasn't working in the hostel.

Then, the other night we went to the movie store with Fae's boyfriend and roommate. When I get out the car I suddenly realize that Fae's looking at me funny.
"What...?"
"Nothing...."

We go inside. I'm walking around, looking at the movies. Suddenly, Fae turns around and starts laughing at me.
"What...?"

Apparently I was actually walking around, twirling my hair with my finger with this blank smile on my face. Fae was hysterical. Apparently I'd had the exact same blank expression when I got out of the car earlier.

We have since come to the conclusion that I have mentally challenged moments. And it makes so much sense. I also sometimes rock back and forth in circles when I'm sitting down, without realizing it.

I swear I'm really a smart person....

Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #2

Also known as why Hez and Fae shouldn't travel together.

When I was living in Ireland, Fae came to visit for the last week before I went home. We decided to plan a Great European Adventure. We were going to go to London, Paris and then drive around Ireland for a few days to see what I hadn't been able to see on a bus yet.

First thing, we found out that without a substantial credit card and at the age of 20, we could not rent a car in Ireland. Or anywhere. So that part was shot, but we were still heading to Paris and London!

On Thrusday morning, 5am, I got on the bus to Dublin to meet Fae at the airport. I had already had enough of Dublin by that point, from the week I was there at the beginning and then a trip for the weekend to pick up Kristen, so I was very done with Dublin. So instead of staying at all, we just got on a bus back. And we were going to London via the Shannon airport the next morning at 5am. So of course we spent the night drinking at the pub I was working at, and stumbled home to bed for about three hours sleep. We got on a bus to Shannon. We arrived, walked right up to flight counter. We gave the woman our passports.

I realized that it was taking a little too long for her to find us as passengers.
"Do you have a printout of your ticket information?" she asked. I handed it to her. She looked down at it, and looked back up at us.
"Your flight left yesterday morning at 6am."

For anyone who's ever booked through RyanAir, you'll know that they give you a bunch of dates close to yours so that you can find the cheapest. I thought I was just chosing a cheaper time, when I was actually choosing a different day entirely.

It was just after 5am and we had tickets to see Wicked in London that night. And, again, for those of you who know RyanAir, you'll know that they are absolutely completely unflexible, and any time you have to book something less than two weeks in advance, it's ridiculously expensive.

Needless to say, we freaked out. We had to wait until 6am for the ticket counters to open to find ourselves a flight. Finally, 6 came around and 150 euros later we had a new flight to London. Understandably, we were upset for being a whole lot poorer. But we were optimistic.
"Well, when we get to London let's check all our tickets. It's fine, we're going to get there in time and it was just a little glitch."

So we spent the weekend in London. We were supposed to leave for Paris on Sunday night. Sunday morning we went for a free walking tour of London. At the end of six hours of walking, we were wandering around Westminster Abbey.
"We should go soon so we can get back to the hostel in time to take the tube to Heathrow," I say.

So we headed back. We're sitting on the tube on our way to King's Cross and Fae turns to me.
"You know, the flight might have arrived in Paris at 7pm..." she says. I stare at her. It's almost 4pm, Paris is a one hour time difference and we're about an hour away from Heathrow. We practically run back to the hostel to check our ticket. Sure enough, our flight leaves at 4:10. I look up at the clock on the front desk.
"Is there anyway we could get to Heathrow in ten minutes?" I ask the girl at the front desk. She looks at me like I'm crazy. The next hour or so would prove her right.

Our problem is now compounded. Not only do we want to go to Paris, but we have to get to Paris to get our flight back to Ireland, so that we can each catch our flights back home at the end of the week. I go downstairs to the computers to see if I can find us a flight last minute. I give Fae the number for the hostel in Paris and tell her to see if she can cancel our deposit on our room there that night.

As I'm scrolling through the fares on RyanAir, I'm getting prices like 300 pounds one way to get to Paris. I panic. At this point I've been living off my credit card and my parent's charity for the last two months, and I definitely don't have 300 pounds ($600 Canadian at the time!). Fae comes down from using the phone and looks flustered.
"I hate you!" she says. I blink.
"What...?"
"I don't speak French!!" she says. I burst out laughing. I had completely forgotten that I'd booked the hostel in French, that she would need to speak French to cancel our reservation. Apparently, she managed to do it anyway, in English. Much needed comic relief.

Finally, the only affordable situation that I can come up with is to exchange our flight from Paris to Shannon into a flight from London to Dublin, and pay the difference. Which was still a lot of money. The flight would leave two days later, at 6am.

On the plus side, we got an extra day in London - which meant we got to see some of my favourite things: the British Museum, Abbey Road and Spamalot. We also went out for Chinese food that was very expensive and I didn't even realize it until I got my credit card bill the next month. $120 dinner? At least it was good!

But we never did get to Paris.

We finally got back to Galway, exhausted and very poor. I decided to pick up a shift at the pub the next night, to get some money to pay my last week of rent. Everyone else thought all of our misadventures were hilarious (which, in retrospect, they really were.) So my roommate texts me and says:
"Callan (the manager) says you can work, but if you're late he's going to charge you 150 euro."

And then we went on to lose Fae's wallet, complete with her last 200 euro, and our ability to walk in Killarney. But that's a whole other story.

Of course, the reason Fae and I are best friends is because somehow, after all of this, we ended up having the best week of our lives and laughing our asses off that night at dinner.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Pittsburgh, PA

Today I went walking around Pittsburgh to take some pictures, while Fae was at work. Pittsburgh is a gorgeous city, and doubly interesting because it has a long past as the USA's first steel town. But it baffles me a little, because it seems to always be uphill. In both directions.

It's so warm out today, like summer. I have to say that my little knit dress was not the bet wardrobe choice, as much as I love it.

The view from Grandview...

I was amazed that there were flowers blooming in Pittsburgh! It's still all dead in Ottawa.

There are a lot of benches on Grandview, so you can sit and enjoy the view.

Me! It's hard to take a picture of myself with the Olympus.

I was inclined to take the incline down the mountain.

So I jumped the fence (not easy in a dress) and found this clearing with a bunch of abandoned pieces of... well, I think this is part of the incline mechanism, maybe? And there were pieces of statues...


These stairs are terrifying. I hate the stairs where you can see through the back.

Fort Pitt Bridge, says Fae's roommate Dan.


For anyone who has read The Perks of Being a Wallflower: The Fort Pitt Tunnel, where they felt infinite.





Et c'est tout!

See Lascaux du Monde for some graffiti pics.

Interview with a Vampire

For some reason, I had never seen Interview with a Vampire. Until yesterday.

It was so hot. It made me want to read the books. It was absolutely everything that Twilight failed to be. And I didn't doubt it would be, it's just that I didn't know it was this good. I really think that Brad Pitt is one of the most attractive people in the world.

I love him most in the period piece epics, where he has long hair.

As Tristan, in Legends of the Fall.


And of course as Achilles in Troy. Though that movie was horrible, he actually looked like a Greek God.

Hez and Fae Rewind Moment #1

When Fae and I were walking around Pittsburgh tonight, we were talking about some classic Hez/Fae moments and thought it would be a good idea to share some with you. So I'm going to start with my favourite, because of the sheer hilarity.

So let's preface this with the fact that, for those of you who don't know me personally, I have a fairly big boobs. It's something I've come to terms with. They have their own fans, who am I to oppress them? Well, here's an example of how they saved my life.

It was the summer, and Fae was still living with her parents. We were prone to getting hopped up on sugar and talking all night. We decided it would be a really great idea to climb up on the roof and lay out with some blankets, gaze at the stars and have one of those life changing talks that you have so often when you're a teenager, and forget how to when you get older.

Let's get one thing straight - I am terrified of heights. Not so much of being in high places, but of going up ladders or stairs where you can see down. Once I'm up there, I'm fine. It's just the climb that terrifies me. Anyway, so Fae's parent's house is only one story high, and there was already a ladder leaning against it. Fabulous! Fae goes up first. I whimper a little about how I hate ladders, but eventually I get up there too. And we talk. And watch the stars. And it's all fantastic. Then we get a little tired and a little chilly and decide to call it a night. Fae goes down the ladder. I move to follow.

If there's anything scarier than going up a ladder, it's going down. And this is why. I took one step onto the first rung and it promptly broke, sending me flying through the ladder to the ground.

The funny part?

The reason I didn't hit the ground is because one of the bottom rungs of the ladder caught underneath my chest and it held me there. No joke. I didn't hit the ground. I was suspended in the air by my boobs alone.

There was a long silence.
"Are you okay...?!" Fae says. Her voice catches at the end. She's trying not to laugh.
"I... I'm trying to decide whether to laugh or cry right now," I answer. And then I start to laugh. Hysterically. Without end. I have a huge gash on the top of my thigh from hitting.. something (I still have a little bit of a scar) but I'm sitting there laughing hard enough to wake up her whole family.

"We should have gotten that on video!" says Fae, also hysterical.

The next day, limping slightly, I get to tell everyone I fell through a ladder. Fae's boyfriend's response? "Man, you should have gotten that on video!"

And that is how my boobs saved my life.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Adventures of Faebala and Hezabelle

After more than eight hours of driving yesterday, I arrived in Pittsburgh! I didn't even get lost, much. That's probably thanks to the GPS. So, in honour of being here with Fae, I thought I'd flashback to us over the years.

The very first time that we met, aren't our matching shirts hot?

Cheers, darling.

We asked a random bystander to take this picture and then hopped into the bathtub... He was very freaked out.

Mmm icing!

Sun bathing at the cottage!

We're so attractive!

I have this picture in my wallet... So straight!

So cold!

In NYC, at Strawberry Fields.

In December!

Today! I think I look a little.. out of it... but this was the best of all of them.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Long and Winding Road

I think it's a North American thing, mainly. The love of the road trip, the vaste highway stretched out into the horizon, the feeling of the ground rushing beneath your wheels. The speed. The wind. The feeling that you're getting somewhere - going somewhere.

The feeling that you're leaving everything behind, or returning to it. The feeling that if you wanted to, you could just keep driving. Just keep moving and never stop.

The feeling of control over where you're going...

And my wheels are turning to close the gap between me and my best friend. To bring us together for another short time.

I think the drive back will be harder.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

To do

Because I'm driving down to Pittsburgh tomorrow (YAY!) I find myself with a really long to do list today.
  • Pack.
  • Go to the hairdresser to get my bangs trimmed.
  • Finish putting together the exhibit catalogue for Billings.
  • Print out The Book so Fae and I can edit it.
  • See Kristen and Taylor before I leave because they won't be here when I get back!
  • Charge two cameras and one camcorder.
  • Charge/Sync my iPod.
  • Burn mix CD.
  • Make mini muffins.
  • Laundry.
  • Put away some of my stuff from the front hall so my parents don't have to trip over it all week.
I think that's it. I hope that's it. Because I barely have time for that, let alone anything else.

Tomorrow night when I get in, I'll try to post about my drive down. Since I'm sure I'll get lost, despite the GPS. IF I have time tonight, I will schedule a post to show up while I'm driving tomorrow... Maybe. We'll see.

On another interesting note, I had my first nosebleed ever.I was very surprised. I always figured that people were either prone to nosebleeds or not. Like those kids in school who always had nosebleeds. Needless to say, it was gross and I got blood everywhere. Also, I never realized that your mouth would taste like blood too. But I guess it makes sense.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Mythology Mondays: καλλίστη

This myth is one I tell a lot. You see, it's the story behind one of my two tattoos.

This is the story of the Golden Apple.

When Queen Hecuba of Troy is pregnant with Paris, she dreams she gives birth to a pile of burning sticks. This is generally considered to be a bad omen. The Seer is called and he agrees. The Queen's baby will be the downfall of Troy. When Paris is born, Hecuba and her husband, King Priam, are supposed to kill him. But they have a change of heart, and instead send him to be exposed. The herdsman, having been well educated in the role of herdsmen in Greek myths, does not kill the baby but instead raises Paris as his own son.

Years later, two gods are getting married on Olympus. They make the mistake of not inviting Eris, the goddess of Discord. She shows up anyway, and plays a little trick. She takes out a golden apple engraved with the word καλλίστη - "for the fairest." She tosses the Apple into the middle of a throng of goddesses. Immediately, each goddess thinks it should be for her, since she is the most beautiful. Hera, Athena and Aphrodite all lay claim to the apple. They demand that Zeus choose between them. Now, Zeus isn't an idiot, he's not going to get himself embroiled in this. So he dictates that a mortal must chose.

Meanwhile, Paris has grown up to be a beautiful shepherd boy. He's lying in the shade of a tree, when suddenly the sky opens up and he receives a decree from Zeus. He is to judge which of the three goddesses is the fairest.

Each of the goddesses come down to bribe Paris, in turn. Hera offers him the kingship of all of Greece and Asia, to be the most powerful man in the world. Athena offers to make him invincible in battle, the greatest warrior of all time. Aphrodite offers him the love of the most beautiful woman in Greece.


Paris, not a particularly smart or courageous man, chooses Aphrodite. Aphrodite promises him the hand of Helen of Sparta, who is married to Menelaus. Paris decides that first, of course, he must go regain his royal title. He marches directly to Troy, announces who he is, and is welcomed with open arms as one of King Priam's fifty sons.

Soon enough, Paris builds a beautiful boat and sails off to Sparta, under the guise of an ambassador. He stays with Menelaus and Helen for many days, speaking to the husband of peace and Mediterranean trade agreements in the day, and making eyes at Helen at night. It is often debated whether Helen was in love with Paris as well, but in Greek literature the matter is largely irrelevant, since Paris would have taken her whether he has to abduct her or not.

Menelaus is called away from Sparta, and the very next day Paris leaves with Helen and her dowry. They escape to Troy. At first, the Trojans are weary of Helen, knowing the trouble her abduction will cause. But it is said that eventually, they all became enchanted by her beauty and even the women wished her to stay.

Menelaus was understandably furious. He was not a particularly handsome, wise or brave man, but he had bought Helen from her father fair and square. Normally, what you would have had after the abduction of a wife was a small two city battle, which Menelaus would have undoubtedly lost to the unbreakable walls of Troy. But this wasn't a normal case.

Helen was the most beautiful woman in Greece. When she was twelve, the hero Theseus had abducted her from her father's house, thinking to take her for his own. (In Greece, and later in Rome, there were two ways of getting married- the official way and the marriage by rape way, in which a man abducted a virgin, raped her and then started calling her his wife.) But he had second thoughts, and eventually she was returned to her family. But now her father, Tyndareus, knew there was going to be a problem when it came time to marry her off.

Indeed, by the age of fifteen, Helen had dozens of suitors - among them the most wealthy and heroic men in Greece: Odysseus, Diomedes, Menelaus, Patroclus, Antilochus, both the lesser and greater Ajax. Tyndareus recognizes the problem. He has to choose just one husband, but he risks pissing off a dozen or so of the most powerful men in Greece by doing so. It's Odysseus who comes up with a plan. Odysseus realizes that as the King of the small island of Ithaca, he doesn't have much to offer and little hope of winning. So he tell Tyndareus he will help him if Tyndareus promises him Helen's cousin, Penelope.

The result is the Oath of the Horse. Tyndareus sacrifices a horse to Zeus, and divides it into thirteen pieces. In order to be considered for Helen's hand, each suitor must swear on a piece of the horse that he will uphold Tyndareus' choice and defend whichever man is chosen as Helen's husband, should someone try to steal her from him. The suitors agree, and Menelaus is chosen as Helen's husband.

So by stealing Helen from Menelaus, he has not only pissed off the brother of Agamemnon, the most powerful of the Greek kings, but also all of Helen's suitors who are sworn to defend Menelaus.

Oh, and Hera and Athena are so on the side of the Greeks because they still hate Paris for not chosing them. Aphrodite remains devoted to Troy, because of Paris and also because her lover, Anchises, and her son, Aeneas, are cousins of the royal family. But who would you rater have on your side in a war, the goddess of love or the goddess of battle?

And thus the kings of Greece launch a thousand ships for Troy. And spend ten long years trying to break through the walls of the fortress of Ilium.

My awesome tattoo, for the fairest.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lascaux du Monde

I recently created a new blog, with my long time friend Steph. Steph and I share a love for traveling, and also for interesting graffiti. We both have big plans to travel more, and so we decided to make a blog dedicated to pictures of graffiti from around the world. They're like postcards to each other, too, to keep us connected.

I just finished designing it, so I thought I would post the link. Enjoy!

http://lascauxdumonde.blogspot.com/

Friday, April 17, 2009

Archaeologists dig up a story from Ottawa's past

It's 1885 and the city of Ottawa is a different place. The LeBreton Flats are not an empty space next to the Canadian War Museum to hold Ottawa Bluesfest each year. Instead, they are a busy part of the growing national capital, a settlement of mostly labourers and the home of Ottawa's second oldest train station between Booth and Broad Streets.
See the full story here.

They finally put our Science Reporting features up. Take a look. See, I told you I was a journalist!

The continuation of when Hez failed

This day is exhausting me.

I woke up this morning to an e-mail that I had failed the appeal on my exam. I think I stopped breathing for almost a minute. Then, I tried to fix it...

I've been e-mailing back and forth with the Dean all day, trying to figure things out. See, I really really want to graduate in June. If I can at least manage that, then it will be okay. I will still be able to go to Newcastle, get my visa and everything.

Today, after speaking with my adviser at Carleton, I thought that might be possible. Now I have no idea what to think. If I have to reregister in the course I can't do so until June 1, which means I would not be able to graduate on June 10th. So now I have to hope the Registrar's Office will allow me to take a third exam without reregistering.

I fucking hate this. I cannot handle this anymore.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

changing all my strings, I'm gonna write another traveling song...

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is...

I'm going on a road trip next week. I'm going to drive down 8 hours to visit Fae, and I'm making a playlist. A eight hour playlist, for my iPod (yay Aux input!). So I thought this a really good time to write about my love for Traveling Songs. Which I promised when I wrote about Old Soul Songs. This is going to be hard because I always want to spell it "travelling," so I'm going to have to spell check the hell out of this...

The above quoted is one of my all time favourite songs, Cathedrals by Jump Little Children. It's so beautiful, and completely describes how I feel in my life right now, why I can't stay in one place.

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now

From I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. There are so many Death Cab songs about traveling that I adore. Okay, I adore most Death Cab songs. I think they're so sexy. Yes, sexy music. It's true. Anyone who wants to make out with me need only play me Death Cab.

Well I woke up in a car
I traced away the fog
So I could see the Mississippi on her knees
I've never been so lost
I've never felt so much at home
Please write my folks and throw away my keys
I woke up in a car

No music post would be complete without a little Something Corporate, the band that inhabits every atom of my soul. Another line of this song says "I met a girl who kept tattoos for homes that she had loved." I've always wanted to be that girl. Because I believe you can call a lot of places home. I also love tattoos and have two. Another Something Corporate song is where the url for this blog came from

Light breaks underneath a heavy door
and I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around you on a hotel floor
and you think that you've made a mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach
from another sleepless binge
I struggle to get myself up again
I want to hang onto something
that wont break away or fall apart
like the pieces of my heart

Globes and maps are all around me now
I want to feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
why wont you believe me?
Globes and maps they chartered your way back home
do you want to leave or something?

Globes and Maps, by Something Corporate. Because even if the songs are about how sad and lonely traveling is, I love them. Because it makes me think of airplanes and bus rides and new things and going places. Anywhere but here.

You'll have to excuse me,
I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month
I've been drunk since I left.

Home for a Rest, which I thought was by Great Big Sea, but turns out it's actually by Spirit of the West. It pretty much sums up my trip to Ireland, so I love that. It's such a fun song, but sad if you listen to the lyrics.

Well I’m changing all my strings
I’m gonna write another traveling song
About all the billion highways and the cities at the break of dawn

Like a lot of twenty-somethings I'm just looking for the next place to call home.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What I learned this year - or the various adventures of Apartment 4

This morning I wrote my (hopefully) last exam of my undergraduate degree.

As the year comes to an end, I've decided to make a list of the things I've learnt over the course of this year. Here goes:
  1. Even (or especially) when procrastinating, living with your friends is hella fun.
  2. Try as she might, Kristen will never learn how to teleport us to school.
  3. What happens in the edit suites stays in the edit suites - true friendship is surviving being stuck in a small cubicle with a temperamental computer and a tight deadline.
  4. Powdered donuts can get me through anything.
  5. Wednesday nights are fierce. ANTM and girls night.
  6. Hummus should not be used in the bedroom.
  7. That night in San Quinn was unforgettable.
  8. If you make a giant vat of chili on the weekend, you have food all week!
  9. How to push myself to max sushi capacity. Also, how to make sushi.
  10. M&M brownies in a box are the best kind of brownies, in a box.
  11. There are few problems that can't be solved by Hagen Daas.
  12. It's very hard to fashion an erect penis on a sugar cookie man with just icing.
  13. Journalism sucks. Wait, I already knew that. This year I learned that certain things, like docs and fun archaeology articles aren't so bad.
  14. Testes? Testicles? It's interchangeable.
  15. Everyone should have an slogan. Like Kristen, Canada's Open Person.
  16. How to dance like no one's watching.
  17. You can eat grilled cheese three to four days a week, two meals a day.
  18. Every day is a Tea Party.
  19. Science isn't as scary as I thought.
  20. It's very difficult to walk down four flights of stairs in heels when drunk.
  21. It is possible to live for a year with only three walls.
  22. I look damn hot in a grad cap, unlike the majority of people. Unfortunately, without the hat I look like a smirking fool holding fake flowers.
  23. Museums are awesome.
  24. How to make egg salad. And heart shaped scones. And a million cookies.
  25. I have the best friends in the world, and I owe the survival of this year and the three before that to them.
And now.... what four BJ students are really good for....

Yum

At the movies on Monday night:

Hez: I don't understand how I can be so attracted to someone like Hugh Jackman *points to Wolverine poster* and then also be attracted to someone like Michael Cera *points to an article about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World*
Kaitlyn: One of them you want to talk dirty to you, the other you want to talk nerdy to you.

Second best Kaitlyn quote ever.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Year One

Until a couple of hours ago, I thought that the movie I was looking forward to most for the summer was Wolverine. I was wrong.

As you probably know, I love history jokes. What you may not know is that I also love Michael Cera. I give you Year One:



Hilarious. I can't wait!

Mythology Mondays: Agamemnon and the Oresteia

I'm going to start this story with the early history of Helen. So Queen Leda catches the eye of Zeus. Zeus comes down to seduce Leda... as a swan. Leda has sex with the swan, but also with her husband the same night. A while later she gives birth to two eggs. One egg contains the dioscuri - Castor and Polydeuces. Castor is mortal, while Polydeuces is immortal. The second egg contains Helen and Clytemnestra. Helen is immortal (sort of) and Clytemnestra is a mortal.

There are a lot of stories that can go in here: the various adventures of the dioscuri, Theseus abducting Helen and the oath of the horse.... But those are all other Mondays. For now, it will suffice you to know that Helen was married off to Menelaus of Sparta, and Clytemnestra was married to Agamemnon of Mycenae, the sons of Atreus.

So Paris takes Helen off to Troy and the Trojan War starts (that's next Monday). Agamemnon is the leader of all of the Greeks. They're getting ready to leave for Troy (launching a thousand ships) but they can't get a good wind. So Agamemnon gets an oracle that he needs to appease Artemis, and that to do this he has to sacrifice his daughter Iphegenia. So he does this, and off they sail to Troy. They wage war for ten years, until they eventually win and return home.

Clytemnestra, Agamemnon's wife, is understandably angry that he's killed her daughter. While he's away, she takes Aegisthus, Agamemnon's cousin and Thyestes' son, as her lover. They plan to kill Agamemnon in revenge when he returns.

Agamemnon returns to Mycenae with Cassandra, the princess of Troy with a gift for prophecy.

Cassandra:
Apollo, Apollo!
Lord of the ways, my ruin.
Where have you led me now at last? What house is this?
Chorus:
The house of the Atreidae. If you understand
not that, I can tell you; and so much at least is true.
Cassandra:
No, but a house that God hates, guilty within
of kindred blood shed, torture of its own,
the shambles for men's butchery, the dripping floor.
-Aeschylus' Agamemnon

Clytemnestra stabs him to death. And Cassandra too.

In the Greek world, a son is bound by honour to revenge his father's murder. Orestes, Agamemnon's son, is therefore bound to kill Clytemnestra. But there's a problem. Seeing as Clytemnestra is his mother, he'll be cursed if he kills her, and Aegisthus too. Anyway, eventually Orestes does kill his mother, in The Libation Bearers. And then throughout The Eumenides, he's chased by the furies and cursed for his mother's death. Eventually, he makes penance for his actions, and finally, Orestes is the one who breaks curse of the Tantalids.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My life, the cast of characters

I talk a lot about my friends and how much they mean to me, but I sort of mention them in abstract ways. This is a post dedicated to the cast of colourful characters that make my life bearable. Hopefully they'll all forgive me for posting their pictures.

The best friend. My Faebala/Fae/Faerie/Elphaba/Sar/Sari is unquestionably my favourite person. She's my other half. We've been best friends for almost nine years, despite living 8 hours away from each other. We see each other two or three times a year. We have been there for each other through the hardest and happiest times of each other's lives. We're writing a book together. We've traveled together, to Ireland, London and New York City. We dreamed of living in London together - and still dream that someday it will work out. In short, Fae is so important to me that she's the only person to have her own tag on my blog, and is also one of my most commonly used tags. We also have matching tattoos, which we got together the week of Feb 15 (significant to us because of the Bright Eyes song) last year.

The roommates. The exploits of Apartment 4 are nothing short of legendary. I met Kristen when I was waking up at 4am every morning to do media monitoring in second year. We bonded over our mutual hatred of life at that hour of the day. We went out for breakfast a lot, where Kristen would make fun of me for getting nutella all over my face. (Kristen SEEMS like a nice person but she mocks you mercilessly!) I went over to her place for her birthday that year, where I was introduced to her roommates and the idea of the Vortex. This led to me, at the age of 20, throwing up from drinking for the first time... and second time. I went to Ireland that summer, and Kristen came to visit. She and Taylor moved into the same building, different apartment the next year. I spent almost every Saturday night (and often other nights...) on their futon. Exploits and adventures were had, notably of the drunken and journalism varities. This September, I moved in with them into a wonderful half room in the living room that we lovingly call the alcove. Many nights of boogling, cards, drinking, cooking, stressing and procrastinating were had.

The person I've known longest. I've known Kaitlyn since I was two years old. Really, we're more like sisters than just friends. I don't think there's anyone in the world who knows me quite like Kaitlyn. When I was a member of Journalists for Human Rights, I took a 24 hour vow of silence. During this time, I needed to eat... Well, Kaitlyn could order for me. Then we hung out. And somehow, her and I had an entire conversation without me speaking. It's really quite astounding. And we always laugh that our families are like each other's second families. We also share an incredible love of chocolate.

The neighbour. I've know Jes almost as long as I've know Kaitlyn. We've been friends since about 4 or 5. She lives just down the street from my parents house. We walked to school together everyday for... probably almost 10 years. During those years we talked about everything. Interestingly enough, Jes and I ended up in the same program at Carleton, and we've since struggled through four years of j-school together and produced a really awesome doc.

The sister. My sister and I are really close. We have tea together at our favourite cafe, The Tea Party, almost every week. My sister has always been that person who really broadens my horizons. She teaches me so much, and I really look up to her. Even if she's shorter than me. I really admire her, too, for finding something she really loves and having the courage to pursue it.

The Chris. The Chris, who used the word "the" infront of everything. The almost roommate, who comes over for dinner every week. Who eats fried chicken with me. Who amuses me endlessly with her stories, even when they're about nothing at all ("and then I didn't get into the class!"). Who inspired my love of blogging, and of chicken caesar wraps. Chris always makes me smile.

My Galway Girls. My summer in Ireland was probably the best time of my life so far. Those four months were more full of laughter, drink, tears, first times, last times and craic than any other time. And in the process I met my wife (at least on Facebook), Lain, and my Steph. Lain and I lived together, Steph and I watched Sex and the City together. They were months full of money woes, horrible jobs and rain... but also bicycle rides, weekend trips, concerts, dancing and talking for hours. I'll never forget my Galway Girls, just like I'll never forget Galway. I can only hope that some day, we'll all be in the same place again. We have a five year reunion tentatively planned for The Puck Fair in 2012.

The family. I am incredibly lucky to have a really wonderful family. Also, to generally get along with my family, which is a plus. I love my parents, I still miss them when I go away. And more than that, I'm really proud of them as people, not just as my parents. Then there's my kitten, who I adore. And my extended family, my grandparents, my cousins, my aunt and uncle. It makes me so happy to know that so many people love me and are looking out for me!

The lovable extras. Include my close group of high school friends, various school friends and awesome people who I should probably know better but sadly don't. And you, because if you're reading this blog you are also awesome.

Happy Easter!

Easter is always the holiday I sort of forget about, because it changes dates every year and because it's usually right in the middle of exams and final essays.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Come September

Do you ever want something so badly that you're sure the world is going to try to take it away from you?

I am not a "lucky" person. This is not to say that I'm not incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful family, great friends and all of the opportunities that go along with a middle class upbringing and my health.

But if we're talking a roll of the dice, win the lottery, pull your name out of a hat kind of lucky - I'm not it. I envy people who have those charmed lives. We all know them, just when everything seems to be taking a turn for the worse, something comes along and saves them. They seem to somehow be given chances the rest of us don't have.

I learned a long time ago that I have to fight for everything I want in life. I learned a long time ago not to place my happiness in other people hands.

Which is why, last month, when I was making a pro/con list for grad schools and looking up cars to buy for another summer working at Pinhey's, I couldn't imagine a time where things fit together so perfectly before. I couldn't remember being that thrilled about my future.

And this is where the post gets depressing...

I try to be an optimistic person. After years of emotional pessimism in high school, I surrendered to the fact that at heart I'm a daydream believer. So over the last four years I've embraced that side of myself as much as possible.

But I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that something was going to go wrong.

First, I had a meeting with my boss and found out that I wasn't going to be able to go back to Pinhey's this summer. I'm conflicted about this, because the job I did get is still with the museums, but it's the Tea Coordinator job at Billings. And to truly understand why it upsets me, you have to understand how much I love Pinhey's. From the first day of my job last summer, I felt like a part of me belonged there. I loved every second of my job last summer. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend a summer, on the water in a house that was built in the early 19th century. In costume. So it's not that I'm unhappy with the job at Billings, so much as I know I'm really going to miss Pinhey's.

Secondly, I failed. Which I've written about already.

And now, the financial implications of moving to England and paying overseas tuition are catching up to me. I think I live in a little bit of a bubble, and don't fully understand what money means sometimes. I do now. The bank rejected my first application for a student line of credit this week, and now I have to look into other options.

I am a strong person. I have all the ability in the world to do things for myself. But this... I can't deal with. It's just too big. When I think about it my heart hurts and it's hard to breath.

I have gone through four years of arguably the most demanding journalism program in the country. I have hated nearly every minute of it. I have worked myself raw to get where I am and it was all leading up to this. To grad school. I may not have known it all along, but as soon as I made the decision I had that awed feeling of the pieces fitting together. This is what I wanted to do. More than anything. It was my future. I didn't need to know what came after, I just needed to know that that's where I was going to be in September.

But now, with all of these obstacles in my way, is it? Am I going to lose this?

Friday, April 10, 2009

MFEO*

I was watching TV the other day, and thought "This is a really cute commercial...."



"...For Fritos?"

I don't get it... But it's nice? If you click on the YouTube video, you can see all the rest of the series too.



*MFEO = a Jack's Mannequin song, Made For Each Other. I feel like maybe they should use it in the commercial.

Brownie fail

I have some really awesome friends who have been trying to cheer me up this week. Kaitlyn is one of them, and she made me brownies.

We're calling it a Brownie Fail because it doesn't seem to have cooked through... but I have to say - it's very tasty. Yum.

There are very few things that brownies can't cure. I love my friends.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Year of Wonders

Fae and I decided that for the next little while, we're going to give each other one book to read and one movie to watch every month.

In March, I watched Holes. I made Fae watch Camp Rock and read Magic's Pawn, one of my absolute favourite fantasy books of all time.

And I read Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks.

The novel is alarmingly descriptive. I say alarmingly because it's a book about the Plague. Based n true events, the book is set in a small English village. When a delivery of fabric arrives from London, suddenly one of the townspeople is struck with the Plague. It spreads, as Plagues do, and many people die. The town minister convinces them to quarantine themselves so that they don't spread the disease to other villages. They do, and within a year the Plague has swept through the village and cut it's population in half.

I have to preface this with the fact that I really did like the book, I was entertained by it the whole way through and it was definitely very vivid.

That being said, I found the main character highly unbelievable. One of the typically perfect characters, barely a misstep. Raised poor and never educated, but somehow able to speak very articulately and read and write well within a year of evening lessons. Somehow able to notice things that more educated people don't. And somehow able to be significantly more virtuous than all her neighbours and family members. Suddenly able to heal the sick and birth babies.

On top of that.. the book changed completely in the last 50 pages or so. Completely. It was like a whole different story. I'm not sure it was needed, and frankly, it confused me enough to have to re-read certain parts.

But still, as I said.. it was a good read. It was a very interesting look at what people do when faced with that kind of destruction. And definitely an insight into what people of faith do when their faith in God is challenged.

Some lines:

"I open the door to my cottage these evenings on a silence so thick it fall upon me like a blanket. Of all the lonely moments of my day, this one is always the loneliest."

"... The reverend was but eight and twenty. And yet his young man's face, if you looked at it closely, was scored with furrows at the brow and starbursts of crows' feet beside the eyes - the marks of a mobile face that has frowned much in contemplation and laughed much in company. I have said that it could seem a plain face, but I think that what I mean to say is that it was his voice, and not his face, that you noticed. Once he began to speak, the sound of it was so compelling that you focused all your thoughts upon the words, and not upon the man who uttered them. It was a voice full of light and dark. Light not only as it glimmers, but also as it glares. Dark not only as it brings cold and fear, but also as it gives rest and shade."

There were a lot of great descriptions of the Plague, but I'll spare you. I hope I never get the Plague....

Oh and by the way, this was book #25. Which means I have to read 25 more between now and June 26th.